


Standing on the Edge

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance, Series: Nothing Lasts Forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-08-04
Updated: 1999-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-10 14:43:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11128962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: The New Year finds Ben, Ray, Phil and Cat on the edge of something new - but is it what they expected? This story is a sequel toLife's Insanity.





	Standing on the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Standing on the Edge

 

 

Disclaimer: This story is written for the private entertainment of fans.  
The author makes no claims on the characters or their portrayal by the  
creation of this story. Phil and TJ McKenzie belong to SL Haas and are  
used in this story with her permission. Cat Madden belongs to me. No  
infringement of any copyrights held by CBS, Alliance, CTV or any other  
copyright holders of DUE SOUTH is intended. This story is not published  
for profit, and the author does not give permission for this story to  
be reproduced for profit.  
  
Rated PG for mild sex scenes, swearing and adult situations - m/f and  
original character  
  
Lyrics from Standing on the Edge by Colin James used without permission.  
  
  
Standing on the Edge  
  
By Carol Trendall  
  
 _Late last night I was dreaming, I was dreaming of your charms  
And I was standin' on the edge of love baby, with you in my arms  
Well you whispered sweet things and you told me  
You told me that you loved and you'd always be true  
And that you'd stand on the edge of love with me, honey I'll stand with  
you  
That's why I'm standing on the edge of love and I'm just about  
to slip and fall....  
That's why I'm standing on the edge of love  
baby, waiting on your call _  
  
Cat Madden accepted another cup of bad airline coffee from the flight  
attendant. She sipped at it, sneered and put the cup down. Days of  
drinking Ray Vecchio's special blend had spoiled her for anything else.  
She leaned back against the headrest, grinning to herself as she remembered  
her last few days in Chicago. Ray's coffee wasn't all she would miss.  
  
She thought about Ray and Ben and how lost they had both looked when  
she said goodbye to them at the airport. It was sad that both men seemed  
destined to bear the pain of lost love. She knew Ben could fix his problem  
if he would just decide to do something about it, but she didn't know  
enough about Ray's situation to say.  
  
Ray wouldn't tell her what had occurred, but it looked to Cat like the  
decision had been his and maybe he, too, could do something about his  
lost love. She remembered the pain in his eyes as he told her the story  
of his lost love. Just like Ben.  
  
What was it with the men in her life? Was every man she met living with  
a broken heart? A twinge of annoyance went through her. Would she spend  
the rest of her life patching the broken hearts of men? Cat couldn't  
figure out why she always seemed to play that role. Wasn't there a man  
out there who didn't want her to comfort him? She sighed. Those thoughts  
were unfair. Ben and Ray were good men � good friends � and  
she had freely offered her support.  
  
With a firm shake of her head, Cat dismissed thoughts of her friends.  
This final week of her vacation was for her and her alone. A flutter  
of excitement ran through her, causing a shudder. Cat's eyes widened.  
Yes, something about this trip excited her, as if something wonderful  
awaited her. As she heard the steward ask the passengers to fasten their  
seatbelts Cat smiled. She looked forward to seeing the Edge of the Earth.  
  
  
Phil McKenzie rinsed her coffee cup leisurely and set it on the sink  
to dry. Reluctantly she turned away from the view outside her kitchen.  
It was time she stopped staring out the window and did some work. She  
had promised herself she would start work on writing the program for  
Jeff Bower's 'Team Building' package over the holidays and, so far, she  
hadn't even thought about it. A smile lit her face making her brown  
eyes crinkle in delight. It was all Cat Madden's fault. She had very  
much enjoyed Cat's visit to Chicago and was pleased they had spent so  
much time together. Not for one minute did she regret choosing her friend  
over work. The smile lingered on Phil's lips as she wandered out of  
the kitchen in the direction of her office.  
  
Although disappointed that Cat had left a week earlier than originally  
planned, Phil was pleased the other woman was getting a break somewhere  
peaceful. Whatever Cat had been doing at the Consulate had sure taken  
its toll. Phil thought she had looked anxious and drawn for most of  
her visit. That is, except for that morning when she came to say goodbye.  
Now that she thought about it, Cat had looked relaxed and happy that  
morning - glowing, in fact. She figured it must be the relief of finally  
getting some time off.  
  
Where did Cat say she was heading? Some ranch out west. Montana? It  
sounded lovely. Phil's gaze wandered over to her piano and the collection  
of photographs arranged there as she thought about her own sanctuary  
in Montana. She hadn't made the annual family get together this year  
and that worried her more than it normally would. She was worried about  
Casey. Already a widow, she had suffered a brutal attack at the hands  
of a deranged lunatic. But what made it even worse was the fact that  
the man she had recently fallen in love with had abandoned her right  
when she needed him most. _'What a bastard he must be,'_ she thought  
with venom.  
  
Phil cast her eyes over the pictures on the piano and sought out the  
one of her and Casey at the Edge of the Earth. Without much prompting  
she found her eye shifting to a photo of her and the handsome Lloyd Hope.  
She had wanted to show it to Cat when she was here last, but they were  
distracted and she never got around to it. _Pity_ , she thought  
 _I wanted_ _Cat to know that there was someone in my life who  
had come close to erasing Ben's memory._  
  
She picked up the photo and stared at the image of the raven-haired man,  
smiling contentedly at his memory. He was a special person and she loved  
him for what he had brought to her life. For a while she had thought  
she loved him enough to marry him, but Lloyd had known better. He knew  
there was someone she still longed for, even when she begged him to make  
love to her. With more good grace than she felt she deserved at the  
time, Lloyd drove her home and told her that she should not take that  
step with him, that he was not the one she wanted. Everyone knew she  
wanted only one man.  
  
But not any more, she was over him. She shook herself, replaced the photo  
on the piano and turned away purposefully, still shaking her head. No,  
she had no more feelings for Ben Fraser. As Phil entered her office  
and took up her place at her desk, she sneaked a quick glance at the  
tapestry on the wall now visible through the door of her office. She  
couldn't shake the feeling that something was about to happen �  
like she was on the edge of something. With a final, firm shake of her  
head, Phil pulled out her notes and started reading. She always felt  
like this at the beginning of a New Year.  
  
  
  
The Vecchio home was in darkness as Ray closed the front door behind  
him. He had not expected to be home so late and had left no lights on  
when he left with Fraser and Cat to go to the airport earlier in the  
day. Not that he was sorry, a faint smile played at his lips when he  
thought about what had kept him out so late. He was touched by Fraser's  
frankness � even if all the talk of lost love had left him nostalgic  
and thinking about Casey. With a frustrated sigh, Ray shrugged his overcoat  
off his shoulders and hung it in the closet, then headed up the stairs  
in darkness, pushing all thoughts of his own lost love to the back of  
his mind.  
  
At the top of the stairs Ray could see into his mother's room �  
the room that had so recently been occupied by Cat Madden. That is,  
until she had joined him in his bed. He paused for a moment, remembering  
another woman who had occupied the same room. Ray let out an angry growl  
and stalked off to his own room. Why did everything make him think about  
Casey?  
  
His bed was unmade. He grinned when he remembered how he and Cat had  
risen in a hurry that morning because Fraser was downstairs knocking  
on the door. They had leapt to their feet and dressed hastily, laughing  
like children.  
  
Still smiling, he reached over and turned on the lamp by the bed. After  
so long in darkness, the sudden glow caused him to blink several times  
until his eyes adjusted. He reached over, picking up the pillows to  
move them aside so he could straighten the sheets. On impulse he held  
one to his face and breathed deeply. The pillow smelled just like Cat.  
He laughed out loud. They had talked about scents their first night  
together. Cat had told him the aftershave he favoured smelled like bugspray.  
Cat didn't use cologne, she said she preferred the smell of the human  
body. Ray smiled at the memory and it occurred to him that he had not  
worn aftershave since he and Cat became lovers. Still smiling, Ray remade  
the bed. When he was done, he brushed his teeth and slid between the  
just straightened sheets.  
  
Cat's scent on the pillow gave Ray some comfort, although he wasn't sure  
why he needed it. He was a grown man after all. _'Who am I kidding?'_  
he asked himself, turning onto his side and tucking Cat's pillow against  
his chest like a large teddy bear. He needed comfort all right. Fraser's  
tales of his love life had reawakened all his feelings for Casey and  
left him feeling troubled and anxious. In reality, he knew the feelings  
had never gone away, he had just become adept at pushing them to the  
back of his mind.  
  
Why was he still thinking about Casey when he had awakened that morning  
wound protectively around the body of another woman? He knew the answer  
before the question even finished forming in his mind. Not even three  
passion filled days with Cat could erase what he felt for Casey.  
  
Why couldn't he fall in love with Cat Madden, or someone else like her?  
Could he have a relationship with a woman like Cat? No. He knew it  
could never be. There was only one woman for him. The woman he would  
not let himself have. For the moment, he would have to content himself  
with second best. He sent a silent apology to Cat, but somehow he knew  
she would understand. With his face buried in the pillow that had so  
recently cradled Cat's head, Ray drifted off to sleep, his nostrils full  
of her scent.  
  
  
  
The still silence in apartment 3J was broken by a voice in the darkness.  
A voice filled with anguish.  
  
"Please help me!"  
  
Ben's cry in the night was enough to awaken Diefenbaker. The dreamcatcher  
hanging on the wall above trembled imperceptibly and then was still.  
The wolf padded over to the bed and took up a position where he could  
watch his human and the dreamcatcher, waiting to see what would happen  
next.  
  
Ben mumbled more incoherent words in his sleep and then turned restlessly  
several times before flipping over onto his back.  
  
"Phil!" he called into the night, then sat bolt upright, his  
eyes blinking rapidly.  
  
Had he just called Phil's name? Guiltily, he cast his eyes around the  
room, finally lighting on the animal standing by his bed. For a moment  
he was glad the wolf was deaf. Still, Dief seemed to know something.  
Was there suspicion in those lupine eyes?  
  
"Ah, Diefenbaker," Ben muttered, feeling slightly embarrassed.  
  
*Whine*  
  
"Yes, I was dreaming. I'm sorry I woke you." Avoiding the  
wolf's eyes, Ben pushed the covers aside and swung his legs over the  
edge of the bed. _Dief is probably concerned_ , he mused. Rising  
to his feet he reached for a sweatshirt and pulled it over his head.  
He was suddenly cold. Perhaps a cup of hot tea was called for.  
  
Once he set the kettle to boil, Ben checked his watch. 10pm � much  
earlier than he thought. He knew he had fallen into a deep sleep only  
minutes after Ray dropped him home, but he was uncertain as to what awakened  
him. He remembered going to sleep with Cat on his mind.  
  
A sleepy smile lit his face. Yes, that must be what woke him. His decision  
to renew his relationship with Cat Madden was bound to cause him some  
concern after all these years. He must have imagined calling for Phil.  
If he were calling for anyone, surely it would be Cat. He looked down  
at the wolf that had followed him across the floor, unnerved by the expression  
in his eyes. Was Dief inspecting him? Perhaps it was time to discuss  
the subject with his wolf.  
  
Behind him the kettle boiled, allowing him a moment's grace. With slow  
and deliberate movements, Ben crossed the floor and made himself a cup  
of tea. Fortified by the warm mug in his hand, he turned to his lupine  
companion.  
  
"Diefenbaker, there is something I need to tell you," Ben said  
firmly, then crossed the room to his bed with the wolf on his heels.  
Settling onto the tangled blankets so that he was closer to Dief's eye  
level, he began.  
  
"I've made a decision, Dief, and, as it affects you as well, I need  
to tell you about it." He waited for a reaction, but there was  
none so he continued. "I know you are very fond of Cat and you  
enjoy visiting Sheila and Bella, so this should make you happy."  
He stopped again and checked for Dief's reaction, but still the wolf  
was unmoved. "Dief, how would you feel if we were to live with  
Cat for good?"  
  
Dief's tail banged excitedly on the floor. _Who was he kidding?_  
Of course he would love to live with the Cat Woman. Cat Woman let him  
sleep anywhere he liked, without yelling at him for leaving fur on the  
furniture. She understood the sort of food he liked and let him have  
it without question. Plus there was plenty of forest for him to explore.  
Then there was Sheila and Bella. They certainly needed someone to watch  
over them. Living with them would mean he could help keep the big male  
cats away. Oh yes, he would enjoy living with the Cat Woman very much.  
  
"Good, good," Ben smiled, running his hands through the thick  
fur at Dief's neck. "You see, Dief, I am planning to ask Cat to  
marry me." Dief's tail stopped wagging but if Ben noticed it didn't  
stop him. "It seems the most obvious course of action. If only  
I had realised long ago that this is what I want, I could have saved  
myself a great deal of .....of ....well, things would be different."  
  
Dief watched his human, wondering how the man could be so stupid. Not  
that he thought marrying Cat Woman was stupid. He adored her. She had  
been a part of his life almost as long as Alpha Male. But she wasn't  
the one he was meant to raise cubs with. It was so obvious to him, why  
couldn't the human see it too? He knew Alpha Male had called for the  
Lavender Woman in his sleep. Perhaps he should remind him?  
  
"Dief?" Ben asked, an edge of concern creeping into his voice.  
"You don't seem very happy about this?"  
  
Diefenbaker turned away and walked to the other side of the room, settling  
down in front of the now-bricked up fireplace. He looked up at the mantle  
where the lavender bush rested in its pot, before resting his muzzle  
on his paws.  
  
"No, Dief, you don't understand." Ben ran a hand nervously  
through his hair. It seemed he had told Dief way too much about Phil.  
"There can be nothing between Phil and I. It's Cat I love, I can  
see it now." He got to his feet and took a few steps, then sat  
down again hastily. "I have wasted too much time."  
  
*Whine*  
  
"With all due respect, Diefenbaker, you do not know what is best  
for me." He waved a finger at the wolf. "Cat has been a part  
of my life since long before you were born. We have a connection. We  
should be together."  
  
Dief snorted and closed his eyes. Why did he care? If they went to  
live with the Cat Woman he could have a whole bed to himself and no one  
would worry. Life would be good. What did it matter if Alpha Male married  
the Cat Woman instead of the one he should � the Lavender Woman?  
  
  
Ben stared at the wolf sleeping on the other side of the darkened room.  
Dief seemed to have accepted the idea of he and Cat marrying without  
too much argument. That was a good sign, surely? He yawned and leaned  
back on the pillow, suddenly feeling very tired again. Yes, marrying  
Cat was the only answer. But it was late, nearly eleven, and time he  
returned to bed.  
  
  
  
Cat cast her gaze around the tiny airport in search of the man who was  
coming to collect her. There were several men she thought could be Joseph  
Hope, but none of them seemed to be looking for anyone. Ray had been  
little help, his only description of Joseph was an assurance that Cat  
'would know him when she saw him.' She smiled to herself as she thought  
of Ray. She was going to miss him.  
  
The sound of a door hitting a wall and a gust of icy air hit Cat suddenly  
and she looked up to see a large bear of a man crossing the airport lounge  
in loping strides.  
  
"Cathy Madden?" the large man asked as he reached her and held  
out his hand.  
  
"Joseph Hope," Cat replied, shaking the proffered hand. There  
was no mistaking him. Now she understood Ray's comment. Joseph stood  
well over six feet tall, with large powerful hands that seemed to consume  
her tiny ones. He wore his greying hair long and pulled back into a  
ponytail and his beard was neatly trimmed. She liked him immediately.  
  
Joseph retrieved Cat's pack from the floor then led her out a door on  
the far side of the lounge, talking as they went. "Snow's real  
heavy this year, so we have to use the chopper. Ray said you're a Mountie  
like Ben so I don't suppose that's going to worry you?"  
  
"Not at all, I'm not scared of flying. It's very generous of you  
to go out of your way to do this for me."  
  
"No problem. We're more than happy to help Ray and Ben in any way  
we can. Besides, we love the company at this time of year."  
  
Mutely, Cat followed Joseph out across the snow to the waiting chopper.  
She didn't get a chance to speak, Joseph gave a running commentary all  
the way to the Edge of the Earth.  
  
  
  
"We've opened up the cabin by the river, next to Casey," Emily  
Hope told Cat as they made their way down the path to the cabins in the  
dark. The two women had taken an instant liking to each other, reinforced  
when Cat recognised Emily's jewellery as Native American and greeted  
the older woman in her native Cree.  
  
"This is where Ray and Ben stayed," Emily said as they mounted  
the snow-covered steps and entered the cabin that she indicated. "There's  
plenty of firewood and I've stocked the kitchen with the basics, but  
we're expecting you at the main house for dinner every night."  
  
"That's very generous, Emily, but I don't want to impose."  
  
"Nonsense, you won't be imposing. Besides, we're pleased to be  
able to repay Ben and Ray anyway we can."  
  
Cat frowned and was just about to ask Emily what she meant by her comment  
when she heard footsteps crunching their way down the path towards them.  
  
"Hello!" a voice called from the direction of the porch.  
  
"Ah, that's my niece, Casey!" Emily said cheerfully.  
  
Cat looked up to see a small woman dressed in jeans and a hand-knitted  
sweater enter the room. She wore her honey blonde hair pulled into a  
ponytail and she smiled broadly at Cat. She held her hand out. "Casey  
Sinclair. I'm pleased to meet you."  
  
Cat was struck by the colour of her eyes, a soft grey, unlike any colour  
she had seen before. She shook the extended hand and smiled back, thinking  
that Casey looked familiar. "Cathy Madden. I'm very pleased to  
meet you. Ben and Ray have told me a lot about you."  
  
"Oh." The other woman averted her gaze for a moment before  
looking back at Cat.  
  
Cat noticed a shadow flicker through Casey's pale eyes. Although Casey  
continued to smile, Cat was aware the shadow was never too far away.  
She was also aware that Emily watched her niece closely. Now there were  
two things she wanted to ask Emily about.  
  
To cover the silence that fell between them Cat spoke, "I'm glad  
to finally get the chance to personally thank you for helping Ben and  
Ray after their plane crash the year before last."  
  
Casey blinked and her smile brightened. "It was my pleasure."  
  
Cat had the feeling she wanted to say more and she waited a moment for  
her to continue. Casey opened her mouth, but Emily jumped in before  
she could speak.  
  
"Ben went to stay with you after he left here, I recall?"   
It was clear that she was trying to change the subject.  
  
Cat smiled at the older woman and stored the information away. "Yes  
that's right, he talked a lot about his time here."  
  
Emily asked Cat about her home and the conversation drifted away from  
Ben and Ray's stay at Edge of the Earth. The women continued to talk  
for a while and eventually Emily pressed them to come back to the house  
for supper. Cat couldn't help but wonder, though, why Emily seemed so  
keen to avoid the topic of Ray and Ben's visit.  
  
  
Emily led Cat and Casey back to the main house for a late snack. The  
subject of Ben and Ray was carefully avoided for the rest of the evening.  
Instead they talked of Casey's son, Trevor, who would arrive in a few  
days, home for a brief break from college. The whole family seemed excited  
about his return and after an initial comment about Cat's visit to Chicago,  
that was all they talked about.  
  
  
  
Ben fought his way through the bushes, his heart pounding. He felt like  
he had run for hours. He wasn't running away from something, he was  
running **to** something. But what that something was, he couldn't  
say. Suddenly, he broke through the undergrowth and found himself on  
the edge of a cliff. For a brief moment, he had the urge to continue  
over the edge of the cliff, safe in the knowledge that he would reach  
whatever it was he was running to. A warm wind rushed up the cliff and  
his heart swelled with love and he knew in that instant that it was Cat  
he ran to. He held his arms out like wings and felt her strength lift  
him, felt her love give him freedom. He made the decision to leap, safe  
in the knowledge that Cat's love would buoy him up.  
  
He took a deep breath, bent his legs and jumped, but nothing happened.  
Something held him down. The wind gusting up the cliff face suddenly  
turned freezing and it hit him like a blow, making him shiver with cold.  
Again, he tried to jump, but still he could not move.  
  
Panic rose in Ben's heart and he looked down at the ground to see what  
held him back. Dozens of writhing snakes held his ankles. An ugly gargoyle  
sat nearby, it's icy fingers idly stroking Ben's leg. He opened his  
mouth to call out Cat's name, but no sound came. The beast turned its  
face to him and Ben gasped in horror. The beast bore Victoria's face.  
  
She opened her mouth, spewing forth a freezing wind, colder than he had  
ever felt before. In despair, he turned his face to the wind rushing  
up the cliff, searching for a hint of the warmth it had previously brought,  
but it, too, was even colder than before.  
  
Once again he tried to call for Cat to save him, but again nothing happened,  
no words came. The beast with Victoria's face still held him down.   
Suddenly, a face appeared in the clouds. Cat's face.  
  
She opened her mouth and called to him, urging him to fly. Warm wind  
flowed from her, thawing the cold from the beast. He closed his eyes  
and threw back his head, opening his mouth to call out again. This time  
the words rushed up from the pit of his heart, forcing their way out  
of his lips. But when he found his voice it wasn't Cat he called for.  
  
"Please help me, Phil. You're the only one who can save me."  
  
Shocked at the words that had been wrung from the depths of his soul,  
Ben forced his eyes open so that he could see Cat again. But when he  
opened his eyes, it wasn't Cat's face he saw. It was Phil's. Ben tossed  
and turned. It wasn't Phil he wanted � it was Cat. Cat was the  
one to save him, he knew that now. So why was it Phil he called for?  
Why was it Phil's face that filled his mind?  
  
Diefenbaker lifted his head and stared at the man tossing on the bed.  
He was right when he told Alpha Male that the Lavender Woman was the  
one for him. The dreamcatcher over the bed trembled, making its stones  
rattle against the wall in an attempt to capture the dream. It seemed  
the spirits were conspiring, as well, to make sure that Ben did not forget  
his true love.  
  
  
  
"Speak to me, sandbar," Ray's voice sounded large as it travelled  
across the water.  
  
"Ray, is that a waterfall I hear?" Ben asked, uncertainty in  
his voice.  
  
"Waterfall?" Ray asked, "What waterfall?" But even  
as he spoke he became aware of the rumbling of water not too far ahead.  
He followed Ben's gaze. "Oh shit!"  
  
Ray sat down and gripped the edge of the makeshift raft, steeling himself  
against the impact he knew was to come. A feeling of deja vu washed  
over him. Turning his head to check on his companion, he realised Ben  
was gone. Frantically, he looked around again and this time saw that  
the raft, too, was gone. Instead, he hovered at the top of the waterfall  
buoyed up by dozens of rats, all chattering away. He opened his mouth  
to call for help, but no voice came. Panicking, he kicked frantically  
at the rats, but as soon as he pushed one away, another ten took its  
place.  
  
Out of nowhere, a voice came. A beautiful, golden voice. "Ray!"  
the voice called from the base of the waterfall. "I will catch  
you."  
  
Ray struggled against the rats that held him perched at the top of the  
waterfall. He could tell the voice came from the bottom of the fall  
and he wanted desperately to get to its source. He knew if he could  
get to the voice he would be saved. He knew he would be comforted.  
  
The voice called to him again. "Ray, I'm waiting for you. All you  
have to do is jump over the edge and I will catch you."  
  
Ray struggled harder against the rats, which now seemed determined to  
carry him upstream, further away from the voice. A memory teased his  
thoughts. It was Casey calling to him.  
  
"Casey!" he called out, his voice ragged with fear.  
  
As if to taunt him, the rats took him closer to the edge so that he was  
able to see over the brink. At the bottom of the waterfall he saw the  
love of his life dressed in a shimmering gold dress and surrounded by  
thousands of bees. As Ray watched, the bees lifted Casey up and brought  
her to his level, swarming protectively around her.  
  
"Jump, Ray," Casey called to him, stretching out a hand so  
that he could almost touch her. "Jump over the edge, Ray."  
  
Ray tried to jump towards her, but the rats held him. He looked at Casey  
in desperation. "I can't!" he cried. "The rats won't  
let me!"  
  
"Jump over the edge and I will catch you," Casey promised.  
  
Ray tried to jump again, but this time the rats drew him away, taking  
him further upstream. He struggled and fought, but more and more rats  
swarmed around him until he was driven upstream at a rapid rate. He  
turned to see Casey surrounded by her swarm of bees. She still called  
to him to jump over the edge, but he could no longer hear her voice.  
In a final moment of panic he called to her.  
  
"Casey!"  
  
Ray sat up with a start. His heart beat furiously in his chest and his  
pyjamas were soaked with sweat. Had he called Casey's name in his sleep?  
Running a hand across his forehead, Ray thought it was probably a good  
thing his family was still away, otherwise by now Francesca and his mother  
would be in his room flapping and clucking.  
  
Fragments of his dream came back to him, but it made no sense. He lay  
down again and tried to calm his breathing, refusing to admit that he  
had dreamt of Casey. Ray stared at the ceiling for a long time before  
he finally went back to sleep. Why, after all this time, was his mind  
so full of Casey?  
  
  
  
Phil could only watch as Ben Fraser, clad in red dress serge and mounted  
upon a large white horse, rode steadily towards her. Her heart beat  
furiously in her chest as he bore down on her, his eyes burning right  
through to her soul. She knew he could see to the deep, dark recesses  
of her heart and knew what was hidden there. But it didn't scare her  
any more. She wanted Ben to know what was in her heart.  
  
He reached out his right hand, still clutching the reins with his left.  
In his extended hand he brandished a brilliant blue axe, which he lifted  
over his head, as if showing it off to the world. But she wasn't frightened.  
In her heart, Phil knew he would sweep her up and take her away to a  
place where the past did not matter and, more than anything, she wanted  
to go with him. As the horse drew level with her, Phil looked at the  
hand that held the axe, then shifted her gaze, seeking Ben's eyes, anxious  
to let him know that she loved him still � that she forgave him  
for the past � that she had been waiting for him to come for her.  
But it was no longer Ben on the horse.  
  
In his place sat a woman, dressed in the same red dress serge of the  
RCMP. Her face bore Ben's deep blue eyes and warm, gracious smile.   
The axe was gone from her hand and this time the hand reached down in  
Phil's direction. But it was not to Phil she reached. TJ suddenly appeared  
at her side and in one graceful swoop, the woman collected TJ and deposited  
him on the saddle behind her. Hastily, she turned the horse around and  
rode off into the distance, followed by a large rooster and a pair of  
ducks.  
  
Stunned into silence, Phil watched the strange procession until it disappeared  
from her sight. As she turned to walk away, Phil noticed the bed of  
roses surrounding her. She watched a hand pluck a red rose from a bush  
and tuck it into the buttonhole of her jacket. Only then did she realise  
it was her hand.  
  
Glancing in the direction taken by TJ and the woman on horseback, Phil  
searched for a sign of Ben. Faint pain gnawed at her heart. Ben had  
left her again, just when she thought he was coming for her. She didn't  
want to feel that pain again. She had to get away from the hurt. Like  
trying to swim in treacle, Phil fought her way to the surface, away from  
the pain. Away from Ben.  
  
Phil took a deep breath and turned over onto her back, flinging one arm  
over her head. She wasn't quite awake, just not as deeply asleep as  
she had been during her dream. Her chest rose and fell in steady, comfortable  
waves and when her subconscious knew she was past the danger point, it  
let here drift down into deep sleep again. On the wall above her, the  
dreamcatcher vibrated inconspicuously. It hadn't missed a thing.  
  
  
The alarm clock rang incessantly. Chance looked at his sleeping human,  
mildly annoyed that she wasn't awake and ready to feed him. Maybe if  
he jumped on her?  
  
When she finally realised that the ringing was not in her head, but the  
alarm, Phil bolted awake, her head whipping around to check the time.  
  
"Oh no! Look at the time," Phil leapt up and raced through  
her morning preparations. She had only 15 minutes before Jeff Bowers  
would arrive to accompany her to a meeting.  
  
  
Jeff Bowers held the door to the street for Phil. As she passed, her  
coat caught on the door handle, pulling her up short. Her briefcase  
flew from her hand and she stooped to collect it. When Jeff reached  
for the case, they collided, bumping heads as they went.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jeff," Phil said as she gathered her things and  
rose to her feet.  
  
"Shall we try that again, Phil?" Jeff joked as he stepped aside  
to let Phil pass.  
  
She took two steps and then dropped her briefcase again. "Damn,  
I'm clumsy today," she frowned.  
  
This time Phil let Jeff retrieve her briefcase and hand it to her.  
  
"Third time lucky?" Jeff laughed, indicating the path they  
were about to tread.  
  
After a deep breath, Phil laughed and the two colleagues set off in the  
direction of the office building where their meeting would be held.  
  
The law firm they were meeting with to discuss the 'Team Building' package  
she and Jeff had developed had offices in a building on Stetson Avenue.  
Their decision to walk would take them directly past the Canadian Consulate.  
Not too long ago this would have been enough to send her into a spin.  
But now, since she had gone 'mountie hunting' and found that the tall,  
handsome man in dress reds who stood guard was not Ben Fraser, Phil was  
relatively unperturbed by the prospect.  
  
"Are you OK, Phil?" Jeff asked as they made their way along  
the sidewalk. "You seem a little rattled this morning."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine, Jeff," Phil replied. "I just feel a little  
nervous. I have this feeling like something's about to happen."  
  
"It is," Jeff grinned. "We're about to convince a **third**  
law firm that they need BakTrak's services."  
  
Phil grinned. "You're right. I shouldn't be nervous."  
  
"No, you've done this several times now and you're always fantastic.  
They'll love you."  
  
"Thanks, Jeff."  
  
They continued on in silence for a while. Phil thought about what she  
had said to Jeff. _Was she nervous about the meeting?_ No. There  
was something else going on. An image popped into her mind from her  
dream the night before. Something about a rooster and an axe. She shook  
herself. It was too strange to think about.  
  
"That must be it," Jeff said, pointing to the dark, imposing  
building a few doors down. "They said the building is not far from  
the Canadian Consulate." He indicated the pale building across the  
street.  
  
"Yes," Phil said softly, her eyes drifting to the other side  
of the street to the building she knew well, the building where she knew  
she would find a Mountie on sentry duty.  
  
As expected, a tall, handsome young man stood at attention at the foot  
of the stairs. No longer did she feel compelled to check his face to  
see if it was Ben. She was proud of herself. Yes, she was definitely  
over him.  
  
As she watched, the front door opened and out stepped a pretty young  
woman sporting a long black overcoat trimmed with candy pink fur collar  
and cuffs. Following her was another Mountie, this time wearing a brown  
uniform. The woman turned to the Mountie and threw her arms around his  
neck, kissing him repeatedly. Gripping the woman's smaller hands in  
his, he pulled back, keeping his head tilted.  
  
A pang of regret shot through Phil. It was clear they were in love.  
 _The Mountie must be embarrassed by the show of emotion_ , Phil thought.  
He seemed to be avoiding the woman's attentions. She wasn't surprised,  
after all, they were right outside the Consulate.  
  
She continued to watch as the Mountie hailed a taxi and held the door  
as the young woman got into it. He closed the door, then walked to the  
driver's side and handed him some money. The Mountie waited for the taxi  
to depart and then turned and walked quickly back into the building.  
Phil smiled faintly. Ben would have done the same thing.  
  
She sighed and for a moment allowed herself the indulgence of wishing  
she had someone to take care of her like the young woman in the gaudy  
coat. But now was not the time to think about that. She shook the thought  
away. Giving the Consulate a final glance, Phil followed Jeff in silence  
down the street the rest of the way to the building where their meeting  
was to be.  
  
As she reached the top step, her foot encountered an icy patch and slipped,  
throwing her off balance. Then she was falling, slipping down the icy  
stone steps of the law firm of Sandburg and Black. Jeff reached out  
to grab her as she fell, but wasn't quick enough. She landed unceremoniously  
on her butt at the foot of the steps, her foot twisted cruelly underneath  
her body. Jeff was at her side in an instant.  
  
"Let me help you, Phil." He knew she had twisted the same ankle  
as she had broken not six months earlier. Anxious to get her out of  
the snow and somewhere dry, he hauled her over his shoulder and, with  
the help of the doorman, carried her into the lobby.  
  
"Wait!" Phil snapped. "My briefcase."  
  
The doorman swept up Phil's briefcase and the items that had flown out  
and then followed Jeff into the lobby.  
  
Phil's face was contorted in pain as he settled her onto the chair offered  
by the doorman. "I'm OK, Jeff," she insisted.  
  
"You're not. I'm going to call an ambulance."  
  
"I do **not** need an ambulance. We have a meeting in ten minutes."  
  
"You're going to the hospital, Phil. I can handle the meeting."  
He gestured to the doorman, who dashed away to make the necessary call.  
  
"Dammit it all to hell, Jeff, I don't have time to go to the hospital!"  
Phil snapped.  
  
Jeff's eyebrows shot up. Never had he heard Phil McKenzie swear like  
this. She must be in more pain than he realised. Sending her to the  
hospital was definitely the right thing.  
  
  
  
On her first morning at the Edge of the Earth Cat slept later than usual.  
It wasn't something she was accustomed to doing, but she let it happen,  
aware that it must be what her body and soul needed. She got up and  
made a pot of coffee, then stepped out onto the small porch to survey  
her surroundings. It had snowed again during the night and the forest  
around her seemed to glisten. A short time later Casey appeared on the  
path that joined their cabins.  
  
"Good morning," Cat called cheerfully.  
  
"Morning." Casey smiled at her and held aloft a small basket.  
"I've brought you some fresh muffins." She had risen early  
to make them so she would have an excuse to visit the new guest in the  
cabin across the clearing.  
  
"Great! Thank you! I've just made some coffee. Will you join  
me?"  
  
"I'd love to." Casey followed the other woman inside, unable  
to stop a question in her mind about how Cat fitted into Ben and Ray's  
lives. She was an old friend of Ben's, she knew, but what was she doing  
at Ray's place? Where they lovers? Or was she just being paranoid?  
  
Cat poured the coffee, aware of Casey's scrutiny as the other woman put  
the muffins onto a plate. "I can see why Ben and Ray loved it here  
so much. I'm so pleased Ray suggested I come," she said, as a way  
of opening the conversation.  
  
Casey flinched and Cat wondered what it could mean. There seemed to  
be several things that had made Casey react since her arrival last night.  
Was she being paranoid?  
  
Casey smiled and relaxed a little. "I was only visiting when they  
were here. I was still living near Chicago then, but now I've moved  
here permanently and I don't want to be anywhere else."  
  
Cat frowned. So Casey had lived near Chicago? Funny, Ray didn't mention  
that. She smiled at the other woman. "I feel the same way about  
the town where I live. It's only a small town, but I can't ever imagine  
leaving."  
  
Casey nodded. Needing to know more about this woman, she asked casually,  
"So you're an old friend of Ben's?"  
  
"Yes. We've known each other since we were twenty." Cat sipped  
her coffee and broke off a bit of muffin.  
  
Casey frowned slightly. "But .... weren't you staying with Ray in  
Chicago?"  
  
"Yes. His mother insisted. She didn't like the thought of me sleeping  
on Ben's floor." Cat laughed and after a moment, Casey did too.  
  
"I thought maybe you and Ray....." Casey's voice trailed off.  
  
Cat froze. Suddenly, several things fell into place and she looked at  
Casey with renewed interest. Was Casey the woman that Ray was in love  
with? Her sixth sense told her that it was probably so, but she wanted  
to make sure. She put her cup down and leaned towards the other woman.  
  
"Ray's heart belongs to someone else."  
  
She watched as Casey smiled broadly, the shadow leaving her eyes for  
a moment. Cat smiled also. It was nice to have her sixth sense functioning  
again. Cat remembered Ray telling her some bad things had happened to  
Casey and she wondered what they were. She knew it had to be pretty  
serious to make her leave Chicago. Now that Cat knew who she was looking  
at, it was clear Casey still loved Ray. This was stranger than she first  
realised.  
  
  
  
Ben yawned, his mouth stretching wide. Guiltily, he raised a hand to  
cover his mouth and then checked that no one had seen him. Inspector  
Thatcher had been harder on him than usual since Cat's visit to Chicago  
and he didn't want her to catch him yawning on the job. Plus there was  
the surprise visit from Francesca Vecchio earlier that morning. The  
Inspector made no comment about **that** incident, but her displeasure  
was clear. He still felt embarrassed.  
  
Francesca had bounced into his office, flinging herself into his arms,  
telling him she had come straight from the airport to see that he was  
OK. She said she learned of Cat's early departure the night before when  
her mother had called Ray. She took it upon herself to come home from  
Florida to see to his welfare � just in case. She left only when  
he assured her that he was fine and would call her if he needed anything.  
Then he escorted her down the stairs and flagged a taxi.  
  
Before she got in the taxi, though, she flung her arms around his neck,  
pressing his face into the outrageous pink fur trim on her overcoat.  
Right out front of the Canadian Consulate, what's more. And Constable  
Turnbull had been on sentry duty. Just thinking about it made him blush.  
He had to move to the other side of the car and pay the driver to get  
away from her and hide his discomfort.  
  
Ben yawned again, longer this time, wondering if he could take a nap  
at lunchtime. He just didn't have the energy to worry about the scene  
with Francesca. It was his dreams of the previous night that occupied  
his mind. First they had kept him from his rest and now they were filling  
his mind during his waking hours.  
  
Ben frowned. What was it he dreamt about? He had dreamt about .....  
Cat. Or was it Phil? No. He dismissed that thought with a shake of  
his head. No, he had definitely dreamt of Cat. A brief smile flitted  
across his handsome face. It had been many years since he found himself  
yawning at work because of Cat. Why then wasn't he filled with joy?  
  
  
  
Ray yawned and briefly rested his head on the cool surface of his desk.  
Dreams had kept him awake part of the night and he was more irritable  
than he had been for weeks. It had been his first chance for days to  
get some sleep.  
  
A brief smile flitted across his face as he lifted his head from the  
desk. It was a good thing Cat left when she did. Ray didn't think he  
would have survived too much more. The smile was replaced with a snarl  
as Jack Huey approached his desk and tossed a wad of photographs at him.  
Snatching up the pile, he flicked through the shots.  
  
"Huey, these are crap. Who took these? Your cat?"  
  
Huey looked at Ray over his shoulder as he walked away. "If you  
don't like it, Vecchio, you can take your own damn pictures! I spent  
all night sitting in that crummy hotel room to get these shots and it's  
not even my case!"  
  
"They're not even in focus, you moron! How am I supposed to use  
this as evidence when I can't even see the guy's face?"  
  
Huey turned and strolled back over to Ray's desk, resting his hands on  
the surface. Leaning down close to Ray he growled, "Like I said,  
Vecchio, it's not my case. Do your own work. You stakeout this joint.  
You spend the night in that rat-infested cockroach pit." His voice  
was soft, but menacing. "Maybe Fraser's wolf can do a better job  
than my cat!"  
  
Ray started at the mention of rats, instantly remembering his dream from  
the night before. Thrown off balance, he rose to his feet and made an  
attempt to regain control. "At least I might get some pictures  
you can see!"  
  
Huey made an obscene gesture with his hand and stalked off, leaving Ray  
scowling. After a moment, he turned and scooped up the phone on his  
desk, hastily dialling the number of the Canadian Consulate.  
  
"Fraser, I need your help tonight," he said, when a familiar  
voice answered at the other end.  
  
  
  
Rob McKenzie wasn't on duty when Phil arrived at Cook County Hospital.  
As soon as the medics gave her name to the desk and her file pulled,  
a frantic discussion was held as to whether they should call Rob, who  
had only gone home two hours earlier after a punishing sixteen hour shift.  
A decision was made and then, with their usual efficiency, the staff  
had Phil propped up on a bed and waiting for the doctor in no time.  
  
Phil waited less than patiently behind the ghastly green curtains where  
the nurse had parked her. Cook County was always busy and she knew she  
could be in for a long wait. Besides, she didn't think she needed to  
be there at all. Jeff should have put her in a taxi and sent her home.  
It was enough to make her blood boil. All set to stew and later vent  
her anger, Phil was startled when the curtain flew back to reveal a tall,  
handsome doctor.  
  
Clutching her chart in one hand and closing the curtain with the other  
he addressed her in a smooth, firm voice, "Philippe McKenzie?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I'm Dr Stevenson." He looked up from the chart. "So  
you're Rob's sister?" He moved down to her ankle, not waiting for  
her reply. Tossing back the sheet covering Phil's leg, he held her ankle  
in both hands and began to rotate and wiggle it. "I have strict  
instructions to take extra special care of you."  
  
Deprived of a reason to be angry with the cheerful, handsome man attending  
her, Phil looked for another opportunity to gain the upper hand. "And  
quickly, I hope," she snapped, "I have a business to take care  
of."  
  
Dr Stevenson stopped his inspection of Phil's ankle and looked at her,  
the grin on his face making Phil's heart rate rise. "Yep, just like  
Rob said when I spoke to him a few minutes ago. He warned me about you  
and your.......attitude."  
  
"Attitude?" Phil's voice rose slightly. She didn't like not  
being in control. She opened her mouth to speak again, but Dr Stevenson  
cut her off.  
  
"But he didn't tell me you were this pretty," he said, smiling  
a disarmingly sweet smile.  
  
Phil's words stuck in her throat and she blushed a furious shade of red.  
It was time to change the subject. "So is my brother coming?"  
she snapped angrily, feeling rattled by the handsome man whose hands  
flitted gently over her ankle.  
  
"Depends on your x-rays. He only got off duty two hours ago. I  
said I'd call him if anything out of the ordinary showed up or if it's  
aggravated your old injury. Otherwise, I'll be taking care of you."  
He moved back up the bed and patted Phil's hand. "Let's get those  
x-rays done. Can I call someone to give you a ride home? Husband?   
Boyfriend?"  
  
"My other brother, Dr Tom McKenzie."  
  
"Two doctors in the family?" Dr Stevenson said, as he scribbled  
on Phil's chart.  
  
"Three," Phil stated firmly. She didn't like the way his deep,  
rich voice filled her ears and stopped her from thinking straight. She  
hadn't felt like this in a long time.  
  
"I see," he grinned his disarming grin again. "Well, **Dr**  
McKenzie. I'll get someone to call your brother and I'll be back to  
look at your x-rays later."  
  
He smiled and breezed out of the room, leaving Phil blushing like a schoolgirl  
and angry in a way that she hadn't been since ..... since when? Realisation  
crept up on her. Not since the day she met Ben Fraser. That knowledge  
only served to make her angrier.  
  
  
  
Phil was still grumpy when TJ helped her into her apartment two hours  
later.  
  
"You know as soon as you leave, TJ, I'm going straight downstairs  
to do some work," Phil threatened.  
  
"Yeah, well just humour your old brother for five minutes, Phil,"  
he said as he helped her onto the sofa, propping her injured leg up on  
a cushion. "Dr Stevenson told me to make sure you kept your leg  
up for at least today. I don't know what you said to him before I got  
there, but he seemed to know it was useless to think you'd take any more  
time off."  
  
Phil poked out her tongue at TJ as he went off to make them coffee.  
  
"Jeff said you seemed a bit rattled this morning," TJ said  
when he returned later with their coffee. "Is everything OK?"  
  
"Yes. Stop treating me like a child, TJ." Phil sipped at her  
coffee. "I just didn't sleep very well last night."  
  
"Something on your mind?"  
  
"No, I just had some strange dreams. No big deal. You know how  
it is when a dream hangs over you and you can't remember what it was  
about."  
  
TJ clucked sympathetically. "Yeah, I hate when that happens."  
  
"All morning I felt like something was going to happen," Phil  
mused, thoughtfully.  
  
TJ chuckled. "Self-fulfilling prophecy, Flip."  
  
"Thanks. You're a real help."  
  
He held his hands up in mock surrender. "OK, sorry. Do you remember  
anything from your dream? Maybe you were just thinking about work?"  
  
Phil closed her eyes for a second and thought back to when she woke up  
that morning. Suddenly, the dream came back to her. She had dreamt  
about Ben.  
  
"Oh....." she said out loud. "I've just remembered my  
dream."  
  
"Tell me about it. I might be able to interpret."  
  
Skipping over some of the details, like the fact that it was Ben who  
approached her on horseback, Phil told TJ about her dream.  
  
"Whoa, that's a pretty heavy dream," TJ said shaking his head,  
a few minutes later. He locked eyes with his sister, grinning evilly.  
"Lots of symbolism there, Phil."  
  
"Like what?" She didn't like the look on her brother's face.  
It was way too cheeky. She had the feeling she wasn't going to like  
what he was about to say.  
  
"Well, to start with, the horse is a maternal archetype, but in  
some cultures it is a symbol of lust." TJ ignored Phil's startled  
gasp. "Then there's the axe � that's a symbol of fertility.  
The Chinese use it in wedding rituals. The fact that it's blue is doubly  
interesting because blue represents female fertility." He stopped,  
barely resisting the urge to laugh, when he realised Phil was staring  
at him open-mouthed.  
  
"Oh my....." Phil's voice trailed off, thankful that she hadn't  
told TJ that it was Ben on the horse.  
  
"There's more." TJ coughed and Phil wondered again if she wanted  
to hear it. "You realise, of course, that another word for rooster  
is cock? Need I say more?"  
  
Phil blushed then muttered, "I hate having an anthropologist for  
a brother." She felt very exposed.  
  
"It's a pretty sexual dream, Phil. Maybe your mind is telling you  
it's time you had someone in your life. Or maybe it's just your biological  
clock ticking away."  
  
"But what about the man turning into a woman in a Mountie uniform  
and riding off with you?" Phil interjected, trying desperately to  
change the subject.  
  
"That, I admit, is odd," TJ conceded. "The ducks that  
followed represent wedded bliss, so maybe you're thinking too much about  
getting me and Cat together."  
  
"Yes, that could be it," Phil mused. So why then did the woman  
look like Ben? "But I still say you and Cat would make a great  
couple."  
  
TJ shook his head. "You don't need to convince me of that, Phil.  
But you know Cat and I are ancient history. Stop trying to distract  
me. This is about you." TJ ran a hand through his long hair, pushing  
aside his own hope that something could happen between him and Cat in  
the future. "I know what happens when you deny you need love. You  
saw what happened to me." He looked away from Phil's steady gaze,  
a smile threatening. "There is something else...."  
  
"Yes?" Phil didn't like the teasing tone in her brother's voice.  
  
"Well a red rose, when worn, represents conception. I really think  
this is about you needing to do something about your life."  
  
A wicked smile curled at Phil's mouth. "So, TJ, you're saying I  
need a man?"  
  
TJ's wicked smile matched that of his sister. "It wouldn't do you  
any harm. And Dr Stevenson **did** ask me about your availability  
and I **might** have mentioned that he should call you....."  
  
Phil grinned and tossed a cushion at her brother. She suddenly felt  
lighter. That's what this was all about. The handsome Dr Stevenson  
might just be the whole reason for her distraction that morning, might  
just be the whole reason for her ankle injury. She knew Cat would tell  
her it was so. Cat believed that everything happened for a reason.   
Maybe her reason was Dr Martin Stevenson.  
  
  
  
Cat followed Casey along the bank of Bounty Creek, picking a route between  
the boulders. The snow was deep and she sank down to her knees in places.  
She didn't know this area like Casey did and it showed in the slowness  
of her progress. Casey stopped and waited for Cat to reach her side,  
her breath misting the air around her.  
  
"This is about where I pulled Ben out of the river," she said.  
  
Cat cast her eyes around the area, taking in the rapidly swirling water  
at the base of the waterfall and the speed with which it carried flotsam  
downstream. The rocks around the waterfall were coated in a thick layer  
of ice and the sunlight reflecting off the surfaces sparkled like gemstones,  
giving the area an almost magical quality. The snow on the other side  
of the river was thick and untouched. At that moment it seemed to Cat  
that they could be the only ones in the world.  
  
The rumble of the waterfall filled her ears and a breeze picked up the  
icy spray and washed it over the two women. Her eyes travelled up the  
waterfall and down again. She let out a whistle.  
  
"Jesus, those two have to be the luckiest men alive," Cat said,  
shaking her head.  
  
Casey looked at the ground. "They sure are. First they survive  
a plane crash, then some thug tries to kill them and then this..."  
she gestured towards the waterfall.  
  
Cat stared up at the waterfall again, shuddering suddenly with something  
more than just cold. "I can't tell you the number of times Ben  
should have been killed over the years. I don't know how, but he seems  
to attract trouble. Ray seems to be just as bad, so they only make it  
worse for each other." She shifted her gaze to Casey and her voice  
turned serious. "Neither of them would have survived this if you  
hadn't been here, Casey."  
  
Casey looked at her feet, embarrassed. "I'm just glad I was here.  
The world wouldn't be the same without those two."  
  
"You're right about that," Cat stared back at the waterfall,  
not wanting to think about that possibility.  
  
"Come on, I'll show you where Ray crossed." Casey's cheerful  
voice drifted to Cat as she made her way warily over the rocks away from  
her.  
  
  
Casey approached the jagged rock cut where Ray had jumped all those months  
ago. Cat followed behind, mumbling words of appreciation.  
  
"Wow, Ray jumped that?" she asked, surprise in her voice.  
  
Casey grinned. "Yeah, surprised the hell out of me. I had already  
planned the quickest route down to the shore to pull him out. No way  
I thought that scrawny Italian was going to make the distance."  
  
"Yeah, Ray's surprised me a few times as well," Cat smiled  
in reply, her mind drifting back to the three days she spent alone with  
Ray.  
  
But Casey wasn't listening. She turned her head and gazed across the  
rock cut, remembering the day Ray Vecchio landed at her feet. Her life  
would never be the same again.  
  
Cat watched Casey, her instinct telling her that the other woman was  
thinking about Ray. She saw the range of emotions that paraded through  
Casey's storm grey eyes. What had happened between her and Ray? A thought  
popped into her head and she whipped out the tiny camera she had packed  
into the pocket of her coat.  
  
"Casey, can I take your picture here? You know, a memento? And  
one at the waterfall as well?"  
  
Casey shrugged. She could see no harm in it. "Sure. Why not?  
Where do you want me?"  
  
Cat manoeuvred Casey into position, so that the jagged rock cut was in  
view as well. Grinning to herself, Cat snapped off a few shots, wondering  
how Ray would react when he saw them. Ben and Phil were beyond her help  
now, but there was nothing to stop her from nudging Casey and Ray. Maybe  
this was the reason for her trip to the Edge of the Earth.  
  
  
  
A little after dark Ben and Ray arrived at the ready-to-be-condemned,  
two-bit hotel that served as cover for their stakeout. Barely acknowledging  
the low-life at the front desk, Ray made his way through the building,  
with Ben and Dief following close behind. Keeping up a constant discourse  
on the state of the building, the reputation of its residents and how  
tough being a cop in Chicago could be, Ray led them to the dank third  
floor room where Detective Black had spent the last eight hours. Ben  
hovered in the background, absently stroking Dief, as he waited for Ray  
to be briefed by Detective Black.  
  
There had been no sign of their quarry all day, but that was as they  
expected. The man in question, Peter Reith, had only ever been seen  
in this location at night, so there was little for Black to report.   
After a few instructions on how to operate the equipment, Black departed,  
leaving Ben and Ray alone in the austere hotel room.  
  
  
"All I need is one shot of this guy," Ray explained later,  
from his position behind the expensive camera fitted with a powerful  
telephoto lens. "But right now I'd settle for someone who even  
looks a bit like him."  
  
"How will that help, Ray?" Ben asked, peering out the window  
at the building across the street that Ray watched � a rental video  
store. His job tonight was to watch the street for a red car, a red  
Corvair. It would signal the arrival of their man.  
  
"I know this guy. I know he's responsible for the Keating murders,"  
Ray snarled, a feral tone in his voice. "And the son-of-a-bitch  
knows I've got no evidence."  
  
Ben remembered the Keating murders well � a horrific murder of a  
man, his wife, and their young daughter. It was believed the man had  
a very large gambling debt and his creditors had tired of waiting for  
payment. Ben had helped Ray work the case several times in the past  
few months. But he still could not see the connection. "So how  
will a photograph of this man going into a video rental store help?"  
  
Ray peered into the viewfinder and adjusted the ring on the lens. "Reith  
got out on parole two weeks before the Keating murders." He turned  
around to face Ben. "A condition of his parole was that he was  
to have no contact with one Mr John Howard." He turned back to  
the camera, but continued speaking. "Now Howard is the guy that  
he did the job with that got him in jail in the first place � a  
huge drug deal � enough smack to supply Chicago **and** New York  
for a year."  
  
"That's an awful lot, Ray, but what's the connection?"  
  
"Howard got out about a year ago and set himself up in business."  
Ray turned to face his friend again. "The video rental business."  
  
Ben looked thoughtful. "And you want to prove that Reith is in contact  
with Howard?"  
  
Ray grinned his evil, feral grin. "If I can't get the son-of-a-bitch  
for what I know he's done, I'm happy to put him back in the can for anything  
I can find."  
  
Ben gave a thoughtful shrug, "Like Al Capone and the tax evasion  
that sent him to Alcatraz?"  
  
"Exactly, Benny."  
  
  
Ben checked his watch and stifled a yawn. Ray really needed his help  
tonight. His weariness should not be the cause of Ray missing out on  
getting the evidence required to convict Reith. Ray had worked so hard  
to keep this man off the streets.  
  
Ray moved away from the camera and turned around to face Ben. Too much  
sitting still was making him even more tired. Always observant, Ben  
noticed and moved toward his friend.  
  
"Ray, would you like me to take over for a while?"  
  
"Sure, Benny, that'd be great."  
  
Ray rose from his seat behind the camera and large telescopic lens and  
stepped aside, allowing the Mountie to take up the position. Stretching  
his arms in the air, he threw back his head and yawned, making no attempt  
to stifle it as Ben had done.  
  
"Christ, I'll be glad when this is over, I'm exhausted." Ray  
yawned again.  
  
Ben looked over his shoulder. "My, my, Ray. You **are** tired."  
He returned his attention to the camera. "I thought you had an  
early night last night?"  
  
Ray pulled a chair close to the window, so that he could see both his  
friend and the street below. "Yeah, I went straight home after I  
dropped you off." He chuckled, "I planned to catch up on some  
of the sleep I missed out on while Cat was here, if you know what I mean."  
  
Ben smiled into the camera. He knew exactly what Ray was talking about.  
"But you didn't?"  
  
Ray rubbed his hands over his face and yawned again. "I had trouble  
sleeping - you know - lotsa dreams...."  
  
Ben sat up suddenly. He, too, had been kept awake by dreams. That was  
strange, indeed.  
  
"Dreams, Ray?" he asked, hoping his voice sounded casual.  
  
"Yeah." Ray scratched his ear and looked thoughtful. "Have  
you ever had the sort of dreams that wake you up in the middle of the  
night and then you can't stop thinking about them all day?"  
  
Ben turned to face his friend. "Yes, yes, I have." He licked  
his lips and said in an almost shy, nervous tone. "It's a rather  
strange coincidence, Ray, but I, too, experienced the same sort of dreams  
last night."  
  
Ray frowned and then feigned annoyance. Something about Ben's all knowing  
stare unnerved him.  
  
"People dream all the time, Fraser."  
  
"Yes, that is so, but it seems like we shared a particular kind  
of dream and that, I suspect, is not so common."  
  
Ray felt very unnerved now. "Get outta that chair, Fraser. I feel  
safer if I'm taking these pictures."  
  
The two men swapped positions. The silence became deafening.  
  
"You know, Ray, Cat is very interested in dream interpretation.  
I've learned a great deal from her over the years and that, coupled with  
the knowledge gleaned from my grandparent's library, means that I have  
become reasonably proficient at interpretation myself......"  
  
"And you're telling me this because......?"  
  
"Well, it seems obvious that your dream has caused you some concern."  
  
"I'm not telling you about it, Fraser, so drop it."  
  
"Well perhaps if I tell you **my** dream, you won't feel so embarrassed  
about telling me yours." The words were out of his mouth before  
he knew it. Ben wasn't sure why he made the offer. He was normally  
not so forthcoming with personal details.  
  
Ray snapped his head around to face Ben. "What is this? Some kind  
of Mountie 'you show me yours'?"  
  
"I just thought ...."  
  
"Well you can just think again," Ray snapped then turned back  
to the camera. Glancing over his shoulder, he intercepted one of Ben's  
intense stares, the ones that unnerved him. Sighing deeply, he knew  
he would get no peace until he shared his dream with Ben. "OK,  
OK. Tell me your dream and I'll tell you mine."  
  
With a satisfied smirk, Ben sat back and began to tell Ray his dream.  
Of course, he left out any reference to Phil because Ray did not need  
to know about that. Besides, he had dreamed of Cat, hadn't he?  
  
When Ben finished his tale, Ray dutifully related his dream, as agreed.  
Ben was frowning by the time he had finished.  
  
  
"So, Benny, what's it all about?"  
  
"Ah....Ray....." Ben ran his thumb over his eyebrow and licked  
his lips, nervous about how to approach what he needed to tell Ray. "Your  
dream is easy to interpret. Anyone with a basic knowledge of symbolism  
or even psychology could tell you what this means." He stared pointedly  
at Ray.  
  
Ray waited a moment for his friend to go on, but when no explanation  
was forthcoming he turned to him and said, "So?" He waved  
his hands in the air, prompting Ben to continue. "Are you gonna  
tell me what is so **obvious**."  
  
"Well, Ray, you see...um...." Ben stood and paced a little.  
"You say that you were on the edge of the waterfall in Montana where  
you first met, um, where you first met Casey."  
  
Ray nodded.  
  
"You heard Casey call you, but the rats kept you from getting to  
her."  
  
Ray nodded again.  
  
"Well, rats represent exhaustive, obsessive ideas, disappointment  
and hidden worries that gnaw away at vital energies which, and I'm not  
saying this is correct, but it could be how you feel about what happened  
with Casey."  
  
Ray didn't respond, other than to turn his head and look out the window.  
This was **not** what he wanted to hear.  
  
Ben continued. "Then there are the bees. You see, Ray, bees are  
recognised as a symbol of Christian forgiveness and to me it seems that  
Casey is offering you the forgiveness that you so far have refused yourself."  
  
Ray whipped his head around to stare at his friend open-mouthed. Was  
there anything Fraser didn't know?  
  
"Then the rats, your obsessive inability to forgive yourself, carried  
you away from Casey and the fact that **she** forgives you. It seems  
to me that you are perched on the edge of a major change in your life  
and your fears are keeping you away from true happiness." A thought  
hit Ben in the pit of his stomach � it seemed he was describing  
his own life as well.  
  
Ray seemed to subconsciously have realised the same thing. "Sounds  
to me like you're talking about your life, not mine, Fraser."  
  
He remembered how both Fraser and Cat had mentioned a woman in his past  
he regretted breaking up with. But he knew there was no point raising  
that issue again.  
  
"So anyway, Mr Know-It-All-Mountie, if you're so good at interpreting  
my dream, then what about yours? You're not getting out of it that easily."  
  
Ben blushed a pale pink. Ray was right and he **had** agreed. "Well,  
yes, Ray. I **can** interpret my dream. Would you be interested  
in hearing?" For some reason he really wanted to discuss it with  
Ray.  
  
"Yes!" Ray snapped, eager for some distraction from the discomforting  
words Ben had spoken.  
  
Ben tugged at the collar of his shirt, feeling slightly warm. "Well,  
Ray, it's really very simple."  
  
"Just tell me, Benny."  
  
"Yes. Yes, of course." Ben swallowed nervously. "I was  
running towards something. Something called out to me. Then I got to  
the edge of the cliff and realised that I was running toward a warm wind.  
That wind offered me comfort and fulfilment, should I choose to step  
over the edge and let it claim me. The thing that stopped me was the  
snake and snakes are a Chinese symbol of the unconscious where all the  
hidden and misunderstood things lay, along with the hidden possibilities.  
The gargoyle with .....with, um, with Victoria's face...."  
  
" **Victoria's** face?" Ray asked. "You neglected to  
mention that the first time, Fraser."  
  
"Ah, yes....I guess I did." He inspected his hands for a moment.  
"I think that speaks for itself," he said in a whisper.  
  
"You got that right, Benny."  
  
Ben glared at his friend and continued. "A voice was calling to  
me...." he hesitated. This was another part of the dream he had  
left out when he told Ray about it earlier. "All I had to do was  
jump over the edge and the voice would save me. The voice belonged to  
Cat."  
  
He turned away and sat on the window ledge to avoid Ray's stare �  
it made him uncomfortable � it was the same stare Diefenbaker had  
given him the night before.  
  
"So what are you saying?"  
  
"Well, what this means is that only my fears, my past, have stopped  
me claiming fulfilment. I realise now that I can only get that with  
.....with...." he took a deep breath and sighed out his last words  
in a whisper. "With Cat."  
  
He closed his eyes so Ray could not see his lie. He knew that it wasn't  
Cat who called to him. It was Phil.  
  
Ray got to his feet. "Wait, Benny. What are you saying? Are you  
saying you still have feelings for Cat?"  
  
"Of course I have feelings for Cat." Ben rolled his eyes. "I  
think the dream is telling me that. I think it is telling me I need  
to reclaim Cat's love to reach that fulfilment."  
  
"Whoa, Benny," Ray scratched his head. "Where on earth  
did that come from? I mean, only last night you told me that you and  
Cat had a bond, but it's not **that** sort of bond." He hesitated.  
"Wait. Is this because of what happened between Cat and me? Are  
you jealous?"  
  
Ben shook his head. "No. No. I'm not jealous. I'm merely telling  
you what my dream appears to mean."  
  
Ray sat down at his camera again. This didn't feel right. Something  
didn't ring true with what his friend told him. But what was there to  
lie about?  
  
"So what are you gonna do about it? I mean about what your dream  
tells you?"  
  
"I guess I need to think about that. I need to .... to **process**."  
  
" **Process**? You don't process, you never process, you don't  
 **need** to process. You know everything."  
  
Ben considered his friend's assertion before responding. "This time,  
Ray, I think I need to process." His tone made it clear that the  
matter was closed.  
  
The subject of dreams was not raised again that night. For his part,  
Ben was aware that something nagged at him, but he refused to admit that  
it had anything to do with his neglecting to admit that it was Phil who  
called to him in his dream. He wouldn't even entertain the thought that  
only Phil could offer him fulfilment. No, Phil was long since lost to  
him. His only chance for love was with Cat. He turned his attention  
to the street below.  
  
A small red vehicle made its way along the street, the driver seemingly  
searching for a parking space. All talk of dreams and what they meant  
was now forgotten. Ben's voice held a note of excitement as he spoke.  
  
"Ray, Ray, a red Corvair is parking now."  
  
All talk of dreams suddenly forgotten, Ray peered through the camera  
and made sure he had focus on a shot of the doorway of the video store  
and its interior. Ben signalled when the man was out of his car and  
moving in the direction of the video store. "Which way's he coming,  
Benny?"  
  
"Your left, Ray. Should be in your line of sight in about 3 seconds."  
  
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Come to papa," Ray chanted, bouncing  
his leg impatiently. "Got him!" he cried, as the man entered  
the video store. For several seconds the only sound in the room was  
the camera's motor drive as Ray snapped off numerous shots.  
  
"OK, now he's going to the counter � he's handing over a video  
� Howard's handing him another one. They're laughing. Christ!  
I wish I could hear what they were saying." He fell silent again.  
"You're mine, asshole," Ray snarled as he continued to photograph  
the man leaving the store.  
  
As Reith walked down the street towards his vehicle, Ray sat back and  
scratched his head, not feeling as satisfied as he wanted to.  
  
"Good work, Ray," Ben said, patting his friend on the shoulder.  
"At least you can get Reith off the streets, even if you can't charge  
him with the murders."  
  
Ray frowned. "But why does he drive across town to rent videos,  
when there must be half a dozen stores in walking distance of his apartment?"  
  
Ben shrugged. "Maybe he wants to support his friend. After all,  
Howard's not been out of prison long himself and it seems he is trying  
to set himself up in legitimate business."  
  
"Howard and Reith legit? You gotta be kidding me, Benny."  
Ray got to his feet and began disassembling the equipment. "No,  
something fishy is going on here."  
  
The two men worked in silence for several minutes, packing gear into  
cases and preparing to leave. As they were about to leave Ray suddenly  
turned to Ben.  
  
"Reith walked straight up to the counter and handed Howard his return  
video, then Howard pulled another one from under the counter and handed  
it to Reith. He didn't even look on the shelves. Now how did Howard  
know what he wanted?"  
  
"Perhaps Reith had already ordered the video. Maybe it was an art  
film or something rare that had to be ordered specially."  
  
"Reith? Art film? No way, Fraser. This is the sort of guy who  
thinks Van Damme is an actor. There's more to this. I think they're  
dealing again."  
  
A brief flash of excitement shot through Ray's body. So this was the  
reason for the feeling he carried all day, the feeling that something  
was about to happen. He was finally going to get Howard and Reith for  
more than breach of parole conditions. He turned to Ben, his eyes flashing  
with excitement.  
  
"Let's get back to the station, Fraser. We've got some planning  
to do."  
  
Adrenalin rushed through Ben. He thought the excitement he had felt  
all day was because of his decision to renew his relationship with Cat,  
the excitement of standing on the edge of a new beginning. But this  
was something different. Maybe this was what it was all about.  
  
  
  
Cat and Casey trod the snow-covered path back to their cabins in companionable  
silence. Cat's second night and second evening meal with the Hopes had  
proved to be more fun than the first. Joseph had many stories to tell  
and enjoyed the extra audience member. Once again, Cat sent a silent  
thanks to Ray.  
  
When they reached the clearing that separated their cabins, Casey turned  
to Cat and smiled.  
  
"Could I tempt you with a glass of brandy by the fire?"  
  
A grin split Cat's face. "That's the best offer I've had in ages."  
  
Casey laughed and led the other woman into her cabin. Her home.  
  
  
When they were settled in front of the fire, boots off and toes warmed,  
Casey poured the promised brandy and handed a glass to Cat. There was  
silence as both women sipped at their drinks and stared into the dancing  
flames. Casey sighed and tilted her face towards Cat, as if inspecting  
her.  
  
"You know, Cathy, it's really nice to have you here. I sometimes  
feel a bit isolated."  
  
"Isolated? I thought that's why you lived here? You know, the  
solitude."  
  
"Well, yes. I'm a writer, so it does help. What I mean is it's  
just nice to have someone around who doesn't treat me like I'm made of  
glass."  
  
Cat frowned wondering why anyone could treat this headstrong woman like  
that. Then she remembered that Ray had told her some bad things had happened  
to the woman he was in love with. This was the confirmation she needed.  
Casey was definitely that woman.  
  
But something else tugged at her mind. Hadn't someone mentioned knowing  
a writer recently? She dismissed the thought. Her memory wasn't what  
it used to be. After a momentary hesitation, she asked, "A writer?  
What do you write?"  
  
"Romance novels." Casey checked to see if Cat was laughing  
and when she wasn't she said, "You know, you're the first person  
in ages who hasn't said something like 'you write that crap' or 'no-one  
reads that shit'."  
  
Cat laughed. "People say that?"  
  
"Yeah, they do." She stared back at the fire. "Ray said  
some pretty awful things about my books when we first met."  
  
"Ray? I wouldn't have thought he read romance novels."  
  
"He doesn't. Plus, he didn't know they were my books at the time."  
  
Cat threw back her head and laughed. "I bet he was mighty embarrassed  
when he found out."  
  
"You could say that."  
  
Cat's curiousity was roused. Casey spoke fondly of Ray and she wanted  
to know more.  
  
"Casey?"  
  
The other woman turned her gaze to meet Cat's and for a moment she hesitated.  
This was the second time she thought Casey's eyes reminded her of someone.  
But who? A tingle ran up her spine. There was something strange going  
on and Cat couldn't tell what it was. Maybe she would just ask.  
  
"Was there something between you and Ray?"  
  
The woman with the storm-grey eyes took a deep breath, held it until  
Cat was sure she would burst, and then let it out in a noisy exhalation.  
  
"Actually, Cathy, that's the reason I invited you in here tonight.  
I wanted to ask you some questions, but you can't tell me what I want  
to know unless I tell you about me and Ray."  
  
Cat's heart leapt with excitement. So this is what she had been feeling  
the past few days. She was about to help Casey and Ray get off to a  
new start. As Cat listened to Casey tell her story, her excitement grew.  
All of Ray's comments made sense now. Yes this was something she could  
help with. This was why she had come to the Edge of the Earth.  
  
  
  
"Well, let this day go down in history," Lieutenant Welsh quipped  
as he crossed the bullpen to his office, a bag of doughnuts in one hand  
and a café latte in the other. "Detective Vecchio is not  
only on time, but he is **early**."  
  
Ray sneered from his place at his desk and continued with the diagram  
he was sketching onto a notepad. He had more important things to think  
about today. If his hunch was right, Reith and Howard were up to much  
more than just video rental. Now, if he could just work out a way to  
place three men and a sound recording device, he would have a plan.   
Then all he had to do was convince Welsh.  
  
He was excited. It had been a long time since Ray had a case this satisfying  
� not since he tracked the creep who had kidnapped Casey. Silently,  
he cursed. He was doing it again. Everything he did or thought finally  
found its way to Casey.  
  
Tossing his pencil down on the desk, Ray leaned forward and rubbed his  
hands over his face. He remembered the things Fraser had told him about  
his dream. He sneered once more. It was all crap, anyway. He ran his  
eyes appreciatively over the diagram on his notepad. **This** was  
what the dream had been about. His subconscious had told him what to  
look for. After all, Fraser had told him that rats represented ideas  
that gnaw away at you. Well, Reith had gnawed away at him for months  
now.  
  
Yes, this feeling, this anticipation, had nothing to with Casey. It  
was all about getting Reith. It was what propelled him into Welsh's  
office with his plan and his diagram.  
  
  
  
Against all advice and her own better judgement, Phil struggled into  
the elevator and down to the BakTrak office. She was grateful that she  
had the foresight to live in the same building that also housed her business.  
It made getting to work a lot easier. She wasn't going to let her swollen  
and bruised ankle stop her from getting to work on the Team Building  
package Jeff had negotiated with Sandburg and Black the day before.  
  
She smiled to herself. Jeff had been right. He could handle the meeting  
without her. Although Sandburg and Black had some specific additions  
they wished to make to the package, he still managed to get them to sign  
a two-year deal. Things were looking good for BakTrak. If things kept  
going like this, they would soon need to hire more staff.  
  
Jeff was at another meeting with Sandburg and Black when Phil arrived,  
working on customising their Team Building Package. Mark was at his  
desk. After a bit of teasing about how Phil managed to injure herself  
again, he helped her to her office and made her coffee.  
  
He didn't even bother trying to tell her she need not have come downstairs.  
She never listened anyway. He could see why she and Cathy Madden got  
on so well. They were definitely the two most stubborn women he had  
ever met. He smiled. He was equally fond of both women. And protective.  
That's why he was a little circumspect when he took a call for Phil a  
couple of hours later.  
  
  
"Phil, there's a Martin Stevenson on the phone for you," Mark  
said, peering around the doorframe of her office. "Do you want  
to speak to him?"  
  
Phil blushed. "Oh. Oh, um, yes, um, he's the doctor who treated  
me yesterday," she stammered, by way of explanation. So TJ wasn't  
kidding when he said he'd given the doctor her number. "I guess  
he's checking to see how I am." It didn't sound convincing to her  
own ears, much less Mark's.  
  
"I'll put him through," Mark said, wondering why talking to  
her doctor could rattle Phil so.  
  
  
"Philippe McKenzie," she said in her best business-like voice  
when she answered the phone a few seconds later. It startled her that  
the mere thought of talking to the handsome doctor could unnerve her.  
She was a businesswoman, she never got nervous speaking to men.  
  
"Hello, Phil, this is Martin Stevenson."  
  
"Hello, Dr Stevenson," she replied, praying that her voice  
would not betray her nervousness.  
  
"Martin, please. Your brother gave me your number. I hope you  
don't mind?"  
  
"No, ah, no. What can I do for you....Martin?"  
  
"Well besides checking on how your ankle is, I was hoping you might  
be free to have dinner with me tonight?"  
  
"Tonight?" Phil cast her eyes down and looked at her foot propped  
on a cushion. How could she go on a date on crutches? What sort of  
impression would that make? How could she possibly accept? "Ah,  
Dr.....Martin, I......it's....you see....." Phil broke off, wondering  
exactly when the power of speech had left her.  
  
"If you're worried about your ankle, Phil, don't be. I'm not talking  
about dancing, just dinner. Besides, remember, I'm a doctor."  
  
Phil laughed, in control again now. "Yes, that's right, you're  
a doctor. Isn't there a rule about doctors dating patients?"  
  
Martin laughed, a sound that Phil found deeply comforting. "Well,  
yes, there is, but you see, Phil, I've already thought about that. You  
were my patient **yesterday**. Today, luckily for me, you are not...."  
His cool, efficient reasoning reminded Phil of another man, another time  
� another love.  
  
Phil laughed, suddenly relaxed. "In that case, I would enjoy having  
dinner with you."  
  
They made the necessary arrangements and when Phil hung up the phone  
a few minutes later she was smiling from ear to ear. She was very much  
looking forward to seeing Dr Martin Stevenson again. It had been a long  
time since she looked forward to a date this much. It was a long time  
since a man this handsome had asked her out. She thought about the things  
that TJ had told her about her dream � maybe he was right. Phil  
chuckled out loud � it was a long time since she had considered  
acting on the feelings that she kept hidden from the rest of the world.  
Twelve years, in fact.  
  
  
  
It was a bitterly cold morning in Montana. Cat slept in following her  
late night with Casey. After Casey had revealed the truth about what  
happened between her and Ray, they had had a lot of questions for each  
other. Cat had left Casey's cabin feeling strangely satisfied, despite  
her anger about Casey's attack and her concern for Ray's self-imposed  
estrangement. She knew without doubt that she could work on getting  
Casey and Ray back together � they were still in love and they had  
both told her so. This was going to be easy � much easier than  
dealing with Ben and Phil.  
  
It was a rare luxury for her to lounge in bed so late, but the opportunity  
to get lost in one of Casey's romances was too tempting, so that's exactly  
what Cat did. She heard Joseph's helicopter about 11am and remembered  
how Casey had told her the night before that her son, Trevor, would be  
returning today. She looked forward to meeting him at dinner that night.  
  
After reading for a few hours, Cat's restless spirit got the better of  
her. Ben had told her about the beauty of the area and, despite the  
cold and the thick layer of snow covering everything, Cat was keen to  
do some exploring. It was as though something pulled at her. She dressed  
in several layers, from thermals through to down-filled parka and made  
her way outside. When she first arrived at Edge of the Earth, Joseph  
told her there were canoes by the river and she headed in the direction  
he pointed out to her several days earlier.  
  
  
The canoe rocked slightly as it took the full force of Cat's weight.  
She sat down quickly and balanced herself. Taking up the paddle she  
manoeuvred the craft into the middle of the river with practised strokes.  
Quickly she established a steady rhythm, working her arms at a slow,  
comfortable pace. Drawn by instinct, she guided the canoe upstream,  
keeping a comfortable distance from the shore.  
  
The swish of the paddle through the water became almost meditative.   
Cat relaxed and let the worries of the last few months slip away from  
her, to be replaced by a calm like none she had ever known. For the  
moment there was nothing for her to think about. She kept paddling,  
expertly swinging the canoe around the many bends in the river. She  
wasn't sure how long she travelled.  
  
Some time later, a flash of movement on one side of the river caught  
her eye and she stopped, wondering what it was. The flash and glint  
of the sun on the water dazzled her momentarily and it took a while for  
Cat to focus on the source of the movement. A man stood on the bank  
of the river, not two hundred metres away. From the colour of his skin  
and the long, black hair flowing down his back, Cat knew him to be Native  
American, maybe Blackfoot or Cree, given their location. He stood with  
his face raised to the sun. His eyes were closed and he wore a look  
of contentment.  
  
A tingle of excitement ran up Cat's spine. Her experience with her Cree  
friends had taught Cat the importance of ritual and she sensed this man  
was there to perform some such rite. Not wanting to disturb him, she  
laid her paddle across the canoe and let it drift. When she came near  
a large rock, she reached out and grabbed it, pulling the canoe around.  
She continued to watch the man, who was still unaware of her presence.  
While Cat watched, he removed his jacket and shirt and bared his chest  
to the warmth of the sun.  
  
She was transfixed. Cat thought it was the most beautiful and moving  
sight she had ever seen. He removed his boots and socks and balanced  
them on a rock. In one, swift movement he undid his jeans and slid them  
off his legs with his underwear, kicking them to one side. Cat sucked  
in a breath and held it. She couldn't move. The man raised his hands  
over his head and took a running jump into the water, shouting out as  
he did.  
  
Cat let out her breath as he disappeared under the water. She sat unmoving,  
with her heart pounding, waiting for him to resurface. A moment later  
he reappeared, shouting again as he broke the surface of the river.   
One arm appeared above the water, curving in a graceful arc as he swam  
back to the shore. Cat still watched, seeing every detail as if it were  
in slow motion.  
  
He stood naked and dripping on the snow-covered bank. Cat ran her eyes  
over every inch of his body, feeling a strange familiarity, followed  
by a hot flush of desire. Just as she began to feel cold for him, the  
man gathered up his clothes and disappeared into the woods, leaving Cat  
alone.  
  
Emptiness settled over her. She suddenly felt vulnerable and silly  
sitting in the middle of the river feeling desire for someone she wasn't  
even sure she could recognise again. With shaking hands, she dipped  
her paddle into the water and turned the canoe around.  
  
The sky was growing dark by the time Cat pulled the canoe out of the  
water. She was cold and achy, but the tingle she felt when she saw the  
man on the riverbank still played up and down her spine. As she made  
her way up the track that led to her cabin, Cat had a strange feeling  
that something was about to happen. That pleased her. Her sixth sense  
had been absent lately.  
  
  
  
A panicked and red-faced Benton Fraser rushed through the 27th Precinct  
to the bullpen with Diefenbaker in tow. Stopping momentarily at the  
door to greet Elaine and to brush the snow from his shoulders, Ben used  
the time to compose himself before crossing the room to where Ray, Lieutenant  
Welsh, and Detectives Huey and Black were gathered. The men looked up  
from their inspection of Ray's plan as he approached.  
  
"Fraser, where the hell have you been?" Ray snapped. "You're  
late."  
  
Ben took the stetson from his head and held it in his hands, as if inspecting  
it carefully. "Ah, your sister....." He took a deep breath  
and looked up at Ray. "Your sister came by the Consulate again just  
as I was preparing to leave."  
  
Ray rolled his eyes and muttered a curse in Italian. "You gotta  
learn to handle her, Fraser."  
  
Ben looked at his hands again, embarrassed. "I, ah, I think that......I  
think I have.......discouraged her now."  
  
Welsh stepped in, aware of the Mountie's acute embarrassment. "I  
thought your family wasn't coming back for another week, Vecchio?"  
  
Ray rolled his eyes again. "Me too. But Frannie decided to come  
home early when Ma spilled the beans about Ca....about Sergeant Madden  
leaving early. She thought she'd have a better chance at it." He  
indicated Ben with a nod of his head.  
  
The rest of the men looked at Ben sympathetically. They had all witnessed  
how Francesca Vecchio preyed on the Mountie.  
  
Ben cleared his throat, more embarrassed by the sudden silence. Indicating  
the plan on the desk, he said, "Ah, perhaps we should......"  
  
  
An hour later Ray and Ben and the men of the 27th Precinct were in their  
positions. Ray and Huey sat parked across the road from Howard's video  
store. Detective Black was positioned at the end of the street, close  
to where Reith had parked on previous evenings. Fraser was in the same  
hotel room where he and Ray had spent the previous evening, with the  
same high-powered camera. This time he also monitored the sound-recording  
equipment that was linked to the mike each of the detectives wore.  
  
"You see anything, Fraser?" Ray's voice spilled from the pads  
resting on Ben's ears.  
  
"Not yet, Ray," he replied into the hot mike.  
  
"Black?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Ben settled himself into a comfortable position behind the camera. He  
drew a lungful of air and held it, releasing it slowly, finally relaxing.  
His evening had been busy so far, hindered by his late arrival at the  
Precinct. This was the first opportunity he had to relax since his encounter  
with Francesca. Frowning, he remembered the hurt look on her face.   
He didn't like hurting her, but the words had come before he could think.  
He had said the words, so it must be the right thing. Detective Black's  
voice in his ear startled him out of his reverie.  
  
"Reith's Corvair is coming towards me. OK, he's parking about 100  
yards from me."  
  
Ben peered through the camera, sliding the focus ring until he had a  
clear shot of Huey leaving Ray's car and crossing the street to the video  
store. When Reith entered the store a few minutes later, Huey was inspecting  
the racks of videocassettes, looking just like any other customer.  
  
Reith approached the counter, smiling at the man sitting there. "Hello,  
John."  
  
"Peter, hi. Good to see you." Reaching under the counter,  
he pulled out a video and placed it purposefully on the counter-top,  
one hand resting on its face. "I've got just what you want."  
  
"Good," Reith replied, then reached into a bag slung over his  
shoulder. "And I have my return." He pulled a video from its  
depths and placed it on the counter beside Howard's.  
  
Huey smiled as he listened to the exchange and pulled a video from the  
rack. He approached the two men, clutching the video firmly in both  
hands.  
  
"Be with you in a minute," Howard said, angling his body so  
his back was to Huey. Howard and Reith looked at him briefly, then  
returned their attention to video cases on the counter between them.  
  
Slapping his video onto the counter and sliding it into their line of  
vision, Huey said, "I have something that you might like better."  
  
Howard and Reith looked at Huey in surprise, then back at the video between  
them that he tapped with one long finger. It was 'Trying to Get Arrested',  
a black and white silent film of which Huey was fond.  
  
"What the fuck...." Howard said as both men's heads snapped  
up to look at the Detective.  
  
Huey pulled his badge from his pocket. "Chicago PD. Peter Reith,  
I am arresting you for breach of parole conditions. You have the right  
to remain silent......"  
  
Reith cut him off. "You can't do this. You can't arrest me for  
this."  
  
Ray chose that precise moment to burst through the doors, his dark grey  
overcoat billowing behind him, making him look as menacing as he felt.  
  
"Section 19 of your parole conditions says I can," he snarled  
coming to a halt immediately in front of Reith. With a smug grin, he  
pulled his handcuffs from his belt and slapped them onto Reith's wrists,  
harshly spinning the man around in the process. "But let's take  
a look in these video cases and see if we can get you for something else  
at the same time." He spun Reith around again so they stood eye  
to eye. "You know how it is, Reith, budget cuts and all. Let's  
see if we can save the city the cost of an extra court case and do this  
all in one. Nothing personal, you understand."  
  
Reith made no attempt to hide his loathing. "You bastard, Vecchio."  
  
Ray ignored him and turned his attention to the video cases on the counter.  
"Very amusing choice of titles, gentlemen. White Sands? Love that  
movie. Always did like Samuel L Jackson." He addressed Howard for  
the first time. "Now let's see what's inside." As he opened  
the plastic case, dozens of small plastic packs of white powder spilled  
out onto the counter, falling over Huey's video. Ray noticed the title  
and laughed, then looked up, addressing the other detective, "Nice  
work, Huey. Now let's take a look at Reith's selection." Picking  
up the case, he turned it over in his hand. "The Colour of Money.  
A bit obvious, don't you think?"  
  
"It's not mine," Reith insisted.  
  
"Nice try, Reith, but do you think I'm that stupid? Forensics will  
find this is covered with your prints. If not, do you see that window?"  
He turned and indicated the hotel across the road. "The cop up  
there has pictures of you taking this from your bag and putting it on  
the counter." He grinned. "I think I'll take a look inside  
now." As expected, several rolls of large denomination bills fell  
out. Ray indicated that Huey should cuff Howard as well. He smiled  
broadly at both men. "You two have really made my day, but I think  
your choice of movies really sucks. Allow me...."  
  
Slowly and deliberately Ray strolled across the store. He knew what  
he was looking for. Locating his selection, he snatched it from the  
rack and strode across the room. Slapping it onto the counter with a  
flourish, he said, "A little porn flick I saw one time." Howard,  
Reith and Huey all looked at the title � Busted.  
  
Huey laughed loudly and appreciatively. "Nice work, Vecchio."  
  
Ray was unsmiling now. "Read them their rights and then get these  
assholes down to the station. Get a forensics team down here. I wanna  
tear this place apart."  
  
  
  
After a long, steaming hot shower, Cat dressed in soft black woollen  
leggings and a sweater, then pulled on her coat and boots. There was  
a definite spring in her step as she trod the snow-covered path to the  
main house.  
  
When Cat stepped into the Hope's warm and welcoming kitchen Emily greeted  
her with flushed cheeks.  
  
"I'm afraid dinner is a little late tonight, Cathy. Our son arrived  
this morning and we've been talking all afternoon. You know how time  
gets away."  
  
Cat jumped, as though someone had poked her, though she wasn't sure why.  
"Oh, I misunderstood. I thought it was Casey's son who was arriving  
today."  
  
"Oh yes, Trevor came home this morning. When Joseph went to collect  
him, Lloyd was there as well. He and Trevor arranged it. I'm afraid  
you won't get to meet Trevor tonight though, Casey's keeping him to herself.  
They won't be joining us."  
  
Just then, Joseph strode into the room. "I thought I heard your  
voice, Cathy. Come and meet our son. He surprised us. He was at the  
airport when I went to collect Trevor."  
  
Before she could say anything, Joseph herded Cat into the living room,  
anxious to introduce the pair.  
  
"Here she is, Son," he announced as they entered the room.  
  
Cat's heart stopped. A dark skinned man got to his feet and approached  
her with his hand outstretched. He was dressed in worn jeans and a flannel  
shirt of the kind that until now she had thought only looked good on  
Ben Fraser and TJ McKenzie. His long hair was pulled into a braid that  
fell almost to his waist and he wore decidedly more clothing than when  
Cat had last seen him, but there could be no mistake. He was the man  
from the river. He smiled at her.  
  
"I'm Lloyd Hope," he said in a deep voice that seemed somehow  
both comforting and exciting.  
  
"Cathy Madden," she replied, taking his extended hand.  
  
Time seemed to compress into that one moment and the only thing Cat was  
aware of was the warmth of Lloyd's hand in hers. She knew, without question,  
that she was looking into the eyes of her soul mate.  
  
As if from a distance, Cat heard Joseph offer her a glass of wine and  
her own voice accept. Without knowing how she got there, Cat found herself  
seated on a sofa by the fire, sipping at her wine and exchanging stories  
with Lloyd.  
  
She wasn't sure how she made it through dinner, or how she got back to  
her cabin that night  
  
  
  
Phil didn't normally ask her dates up to her apartment the first time.  
 **This** time, though, she really wanted Martin Stevenson to come  
up. And, anyway, it was hard to balance on crutches **and** open  
the door at the same time.  
  
But she wouldn't let him help with the hot chocolate. Phil left Martin  
in the living room whilst she busied herself in the kitchen, using the  
time to compose herself. She felt almost like a schoolgirl. The evening  
had been wonderful � more wonderful than Phil could ever have hoped  
for. The restaurant was perfect, the meal delicious � she had even  
accepted a glass of wine � and Martin, well, he was perfect, too.  
He was funny, clever, chivalrous, oh and it didn't hurt that he was good  
to look at as well. She tried not to think about what TJ had told her  
about her dream of two nights ago, but it certainly seemed that her big  
brother was right. But why did it make her so darned nervous? Was it  
because his grace and good looks reminded her of another? No. Definitely  
not. Phil stuck her head around the doorway to call for assistance when  
it came time to carry the tray.  
  
Martin carried the tray and set it on the coffee table. He handed Phil  
her mug and then they both settled back against the cushions of the sofa.  
  
"I was just admiring your pictures, Phil," he said, gesturing  
towards the piano.  
  
She smiled crookedly. "Yes, there **are** rather a lot now."  
  
"Family?" Martin asked, sipping at his drink.  
  
"Friends. Family. I can't help myself." She wondered for  
a moment if he noticed the picture of Lindy. He had seen her medical  
chart, but how far back did he look? Did Martin know about her daughter?  
  
"It's much nicer to have them on show than stuck in a drawer or  
on a bookshelf."  
  
It seemed his timing was perfect as well, snapping Phil out of the melancholy  
that for a moment threatened to overwhelm her. She rewarded him with  
a glowing smile.  
  
"Yes. Yes, it is. Actually, I was thinking of moving them."  
Phil leaned a little closer, although she would have denied it if pressed.  
"I have a friend in Canada and she keeps her photographs on the  
wall running alongside her stairs. I liked the idea so much that I thought  
I might steal it." She pointed across the room to the dining area.  
"See that short wall over there? I thought I might put them up  
there. It would make them easier to see and it would be interesting  
for dinner guests because they would get the time to sit and look over  
the whole lot." Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.  
"But the best part is, it makes the piano easier to dust."  
  
Martin threw back his head and roared with laughter. "Oh, Phil,  
I like the way you think." He turned his head to the wall Phil  
had indicated earlier. "You're right, you know, I think a photo  
wall would be a great addition to your dining area. Make it more personalised."  
  
"But it's going to have to wait a while," Phil shrugged and  
indicated her ankle. "This is stopping me from doing anything."  
  
Martin leaned a little closer to Phil. "Perhaps it's something I  
could help you with? After all, I have a drill and I'm very handy.   
I built all the bookshelves in my living room." He stared at Phil,  
his eyes offering more than household help.  
  
Something about Martin's gaze made Phil quiver in anticipation. What  
was it she saw in his eyes? She couldn't say. She only knew it made  
her feel safe � safer than she had felt in a long, long time. She  
longed for him to help her with the pictures � she wanted to see  
him comfortable and familiar in her apartment. An image popped into  
her mind � Martin bare-chested and sweaty as he hammered picture  
hangers into the plaster. Where did that come from? Blushing, she smiled  
at him, accepting more than the offer of household help. "I'd like  
that very much."  
  
  
  
It was 2am when Ray bounced out of the Precinct towards the Riv, followed  
by a weary but nonetheless enthusiastic Ben. Six hours of intense cross-examination  
of Reith and Howard did nothing to dampen Ray's sheer joy at knowledge  
that once again Peter Reith would be behind bars.  
  
The crime scene investigation unit had turned up more evidence at Howard's  
video store. Two pounds of evidence, to be precise. Eventually, in  
the hope that it would make Ray forget about the parole violation, Reith  
gave up the names of the four men supplying Howard with the drugs he  
had purchased. He even blurted out information about another, equally  
shady business deal that he and Howard had going. There was still nothing  
to link him to the Keating murders, but for now, Ray was satisfied.  
  
Punching the air and laughing out loud, Ray turned to his friend. "I  
ain't gonna be able to sleep for hours, Fraser. D'ya wanna come back  
to my place and get something to eat?"  
  
"It **is** rather late, Ray, and....."  
  
Misreading Ben's reluctance, Ray cut him off. "Frannie will be  
in bed by now, she won't bother you."  
  
"Oh, Ray, I don't think Francesca will be a problem any more. You  
see, I...."  
  
Before Ben could finish, Huey emerged from the Precinct and headed to  
his car laughing and shouting his congratulations to Ray as he went.  
After laughing and shouting something crude in return, Ray turned back  
to Ben.  
  
"C'mon, what do you say? I can pull some of Ma's spaghetti sauce  
out of the freezer and I've even got Canadian beer."  
  
Ben smiled. Ray's enthusiasm warmed him and he knew he should be there  
to share the excitement with his friend. He nodded his acceptance and  
let Ray lead him to his Buick Riviera.  
  
  
Half an hour later the two men were seated in the Vecchio kitchen, each  
with a plate of steaming pasta in front of them. Ben even accepted a  
bottle of Ray's Canadian beer, much to the detective's surprise.  
  
"Thanks for your help tonight, Fraser," Ray said before putting  
a substantial forkful of food into his mouth.  
  
"You're welcome, Ray," Ben smiled demurely. "Thank you  
for preparing this meal."  
  
"No problem, Benny. I told you Frannie wouldn't bother you."  
  
Ben nodded and looked at his plate. "I don't think she will......um,  
bother me....."  
  
Ray swallowed a mostly unchewed mouthful in his haste to find out what  
his friend meant. "That's right, you said that before Huey called  
out to me. I forgot." He watched as Ben looked further into his  
plate. "What **exactly** do you mean? What happened?"  
  
Ben blushed. "I told you Francesca came to see me at the Consulate  
this afternoon." Ray nodded and Ben continued, "I told her  
that whilst I am flattered by her, um, attentions, it is a little **inappropriate**  
because I am going to ask Cat to marry me."  
  
Ray choked on the spaghetti he had just put into his mouth. "What!"  
  
"I told her that...."  
  
"I heard you, Fraser. I mean, what are you talking about?"  
Ray dropped his fork into his bowl. "Not two days ago, you were  
telling me that whatever it is between you two isn't about......about......this  
......" He waved his hands at his friend. "Then last night  
you were talking about fulfilment and **processing**........"  
  
Ben looked up from his food and met Ray's disbelieving eyes. "Are  
you jealous, Ray?" he asked coolly.  
  
"No!" he snapped. "Of course not. It's just that I thought....."  
Ray stopped. He wasn't going to tell Ben that Cat had told him Ben loved  
someone else. He didn't want to tell him that less than a week ago,  
Cat had sat at this same table and told him that she and Ben weren't  
destined to be together. But he had to tell him something. In an attempt  
to keep it light he said, "Well, you know Cat, Benny. I don't think  
she's the marrying kind. Ya know what I'm saying?"  
  
Ben regarded the man across the table. He knew exactly what Ray was  
saying and he also knew he was right. Cat had already turned him down  
once, but things were different now, weren't they? Cat had never shown  
any sign of ever getting close enough to any of her lovers to want to  
marry them. Was it because she still loved him? Did she regret her  
earlier decision? Was she waiting for him to come back to her? It  
had to be the answer, nothing else made sense. Ray was wrong and Ben  
needed to tell him.  
  
"At the risk of sounding patronising, Ray, I must say that I don't  
think you are in a position to know what Cat does or doesn't want. I  
have known her for a very long time � she has never even come close  
to marrying anyone. You said yourself that it is unusual for us to have  
remained friends all this time. I can only conclude it is because Cat  
still loves me." The lengthy speech came out far more bitterly  
than he had intended. Why did he suddenly feel defensive?  
  
Ray was not deterred. With the memory of the pain Victoria caused still  
fresh in his mind, Ray was in protective mode. "I just don't want  
to see you get your hopes up and then get hurt again."  
  
Ben considered this for a moment. Struck by another thought, he said,  
"I think you're just jealous that you can't have Cat for yourself."  
Bitterness welled up in him again and he struck where he knew it would  
hurt. "Rather greedy, I would say, when you have Casey."  
  
The joy Ray had felt all night left him suddenly. "I don't **have**  
Casey, Fraser," he ground out in a voice suddenly weary and harsh.  
"I don't **have** any one." Ray turned his gaze away, but  
not before Ben saw the tears in his eyes.  
  
Ben dropped his head, ashamed at his behaviour. He took a few deep breaths  
before speaking. "Forgive me, Ray. That was cruel. I should never  
have said anything so hurtful. I'm sorry."  
  
Ray turned his head and smiled at the bowed head across from him. He  
reached across the table and laid a hand on Ben's wrist. "I hope  
you and Cat are very happy together." He meant it, too. If Cat  
and Ben were meant to be together, it was fine by him. But he didn't  
believe it for a moment and he suspected the Mountie was trying too hard  
to convince him. But time would tell.  
  
  
  
The next morning Cat rose early, feeling more alive than she had in a  
goodly long time. Padding barefoot into the small kitchen she made a  
pot of coffee and then showered, knowing that Lloyd would arrive before  
too long. The night before he had promised to take her exploring in  
the woods to show her some of his favourite places. She was looking  
forward to the chance to spend the day alone with Lloyd. They had a  
lot to say to each other.  
  
Cat smiled as she heard Lloyd's footsteps on the snow-covered verandah.  
She almost felt that she was following a script, everything seemed second  
nature to her. She opened the door before he even knocked.  
  
"Morning, Cathy," Lloyd smiled at her, his dark eyes seeing  
into her soul.  
  
"Morning," she replied, stepping aside so he could come inside.  
"I've made coffee."  
  
If Lloyd was surprised when Cat handed him his coffee, he didn't show  
it. It seemed that he understood that she would know he liked his coffee  
black and in a cup, not a mug.  
  
  
Cat followed Lloyd along the trail, admiring the practised ease with  
which he moved. He was completely at home in this environment, seeming  
to know every rock, tree, and bush. Cat remembered a time many years  
earlier when she had followed a young Benton Fraser into the forest,  
admiring his ability in a similar environment. It made her smile. Ben  
and Lloyd would get along just fine. The thought almost made her laugh  
out loud. Already she was thinking ahead to introducing Lloyd to the  
important people in her life.  
  
"Almost there, Cathy," Lloyd called over his shoulder to her,  
startling her out of her reverie. He disappeared behind a bush and Cat  
hurried to catch up to him.  
  
When she did, she found Lloyd leaning casually against a snow-covered  
rock waiting for her. He greeted her with a smile that sent hot shivers  
down her spine.  
  
"This is my special place," he said, indicating the view behind  
him with a nod of his head.  
  
Cat followed his gaze. They stood not too far from the river. It took  
Cat only a minute to recognise their location. It was the spot where  
she had first seen Lloyd the day before. It took another second to locate  
the rock where she had rested and observed Lloyd as he plunged into the  
icy water. From this vantage it seemed very different than it had from  
the river and Cat could understand why Lloyd liked it so. It had an  
energy that excited her.  
  
"It's lovely," the words came out in a whisper. "It feels....special."  
  
Lloyd smiled and moved closer. "It is. I don't bring many people  
here. I mean, I don't share this..." he indicated the river again,  
"like this...." He pulled Cat into his arms and held her against  
his chest.  
  
t was true. The only other woman he had shared this with was Phil McKenzie.  
She, too, was special. But even then he knew he and Phil weren't soul  
mates. He told Phil that one day they would each meet their life partner,  
the person who would complete their souls. But nothing had prepared  
him for the impact it would have on him. Nothing could prepare him for  
the emotions he felt finally being in his special place with his soul  
mate in his arms.  
  
"It's too important to waste on people who don't understand the  
magic," he said, gazing at the river over the top of Cat's head.  
  
Cat settled against his chest like she belonged there, feeling the rumble  
of his words through her body � through her soul.  
  
"I saw you yesterday," she said eventually.  
  
"You saw me?"  
  
Cat pulled back and looked up at him. "Yes, I saw you. I was paddling  
on the river."  
  
Lloyd smiled, his expression one of faint amusement. "Ah, now you  
know my secret." He brought his hands up and slid them into Cat's  
hair, cradling her head in his hands. There was no hesitation in his  
touch.  
  
"I have always felt I was never home until I came here and jumped  
into the river. It's as if it washes away the things in my life I don't  
need. But now, being here with you � like this � it's so much  
more....." Moving as if in slow motion, Lloyd brought his lips  
down to meet Cat's.  
  
The first touch of his lips sent a jolt through Cat and she whimpered  
softly. The kiss was gentle and tender, but it touched Cat to the depth  
of her soul. Her life would never be the same again.  
  
"This," Lloyd breathed into Cat's hair when the kissed ended,  
"this is coming home." Then he kissed her again.  
  
Since the previous night when he had set eyes on Cathy Madden for the  
first time, Lloyd had thought of little else. All night he lay in his  
bed, longing for morning when he could again see her � when they  
could make their plans. Their was no question in his mind, he knew Cathy  
had felt it, too.  
  
"I want to know your story, Cathy Madden," Lloyd said a little  
later. "I want to hear what you've been doing since last we met."  
He leaned back so that he could look into Cat's eyes. "Tell me  
what this lifetime has held for you."  
  
But for the moment Cat was unable to speak. Her mind was too full of  
images � memories from other lives, other times and she knew what  
Lloyd implied to be true � they had been together before. From  
the very depths of her mind came a song that she used to sing to Ben,  
a Van Morrison song that she hadn't thought about in fifteen years.   
The words rang in her head, _'I said with my eyes that I recognised  
your chin. It was my long lost friend to help me from another lifetime.  
We took each other's hands and cried like a river when we said hello.'  
_  
Tears sprung to Cat's eyes and she buried her face against Lloyd's chest  
again, not wanting him to see. But Lloyd understood and he brought his  
arms up to hold her safely against him, while she remembered the things  
she needed to. More of the same song played in her mind. _'We've been  
together before in a different incarnation. And we loved each other  
then as well....'_  
  
"Oh god...." Cat mumbled into Lloyd's chest.  
  
"It's OK, Cathy, just let it happen." Lloyd's voice was calming  
and made Cat feel safe.  
  
Cat remembered Calvin Sunsinger's words of nearly twenty years ago, "You  
have a red heart, Cathy. You'll come back to your Cree home when the  
time is right." She hadn't fully understood the old man's words  
then, but now, standing ankle deep in snow in the arms of Lloyd Hope  
it all made sense.  
  
So too, did the words she had instinctively told Ben many years ago,  
"I am not your soul mate, Ben." Back then she had been more  
concerned about making sure Ben found his soul mate that she never gave  
thought to finding her own. Like she had told Ben all that time ago,  
"There will be someone who can give you what I can't, what I don't  
even know you need." Now it seemed that Cat, too, had found what  
she didn't know she had been missing.  
  
  
  
The midmorning sun was warm on Ray's back as he enjoyed his first espresso  
of the day. He sighed with pleasure and sipped at the fragrant brew  
he had just made. Seated in the unusually silent kitchen of the Vecchio  
home, with the newspaper propped up on the table in front of him, he  
once again relived his glory of the night before.  
  
Howard and Reith had given up a **lot** of information, enough to  
help bring down some of the biggest dealers in Chicago. For once he  
was going to enjoy going to work, even if he did have to face a mountain  
of paperwork. No, nothing could ruin this day for Ray.  
  
That is, until Francesca appeared in the kitchen doorway in her pyjamas,  
no trace of make up and her hair as yet unbrushed. With a disgruntled  
sigh she flopped onto a chair opposite her brother and rested her chin  
in her hands.  
  
"What?" Ray asked, nudging her elbows off the table so he  
could spread the paper out further.  
  
"Is it true?" Frannie asked in a flat voice.  
  
"Is what true?" Ray returned his attention to the newspaper.  
  
"About Fraser."  
  
" **What** about Fraser?"  
  
"Is he going to marry her, the Mountie � Mountess whatever  
she calls herself?"  
  
Ray looked up. In his surprise at Ben's revelation the previous night,  
he had forgotten that Fraser had told Francesca about it first.  
  
"Well, if he said it, Frannie, it must be true. You know that Mounties  
never lie. They can't, it's not in their genes."  
  
Frannie sat back, shocked and pointed an angry finger at him. "My  
heart is breaking here and you're making fun of me." She flew to  
her feet and stomped around the kitchen. "What does he see in her?  
She's not even pretty. And, and .... she lives in Canada......and what  
about her hair? She doesn't style her hair!"  
  
Ray sat back in his chair and folded his arms, watching his sister's  
display. "Not everyone's life is organised around their **beauty**  
appointments, Frannie."  
  
But Frannie was not to be deterred. "But she's a bitch! Even you  
said so!" She threw herself into a chair again. "You've got  
to talk to him, Ray. You've got to stop him from making the biggest  
mistake of his life."  
  
Ray leaned across the table and smiled at his sister. "I will **not**  
talk to him about it. It's none of my business." He snatched the  
paper from under his sister's arm. "Or yours."  
  
Frannie pulled a face and got up to make herself some breakfast. Ray  
returned his attention to the morning paper, watching his sister with  
one eye in case she started again. When the kitchen had been silent  
for a minute or so he said softly, "And she's not a bitch."  
  
It took a few seconds for Francesca to register what her brother had  
said. When she did, she whirled around and glared at him. "What  
did you say?"  
  
With a sigh, Ray folded the newspaper and sat back in his chair. Meeting  
his sister's stern gaze he said slowly, "I said that she is **not**  
a bitch."  
  
Francesca snorted in disgust. "So she's got you sucked in as well?"  
  
Ray rose to his feet and crossed the kitchen to the sink. Rinsing his  
cup he said, "Frannie, I **can** make my own decisions about  
people. In fact," he placed the cup on the drainer and turned to  
face her, "in my job I **need** to. Ca....Cathy Madden is a  
warm and friendly person and I'm glad I got to know her." With  
that he left the kitchen and headed for the hallway to collect his coat  
and car keys.  
  
"So what did she do to change your mind?" Frannie asked, not  
without sarcasm, as she followed him to the hall.  
  
Ray stopped, one arm in his overcoat. "Frannie, leave it alone.  
You're just jealous."  
  
"Musta been pretty good," Francesca said, triumphantly. "Cause  
I know you hated her. You said so."  
  
Ray finished pulling on his coat and then reached over to collect his  
keys from the hall table. His sister was too close to a subject he did  
not want to discuss.  
  
"I'm going to work now," he snapped, then opened the front  
door and headed outside.  
  
Francesca followed him onto the verandah. "Did you sleep with her?"  
she called to him as he neared his car.  
  
The words halted him in midstep. How did she know? Lucky guess? Or  
was it that obvious? Slowly, Ray turned to face his sister.  
  
"Go inside, Francesca, before you catch a cold." Then he spun  
around and unlocked the car.  
  
With a whoop of delight, she leapt down the stairs and into the snow,  
her feet clad only in pink fluffy slippers. "You did, didn't you?"  
  
Ray ignored her and stepped into the Riv, slamming the door behind as  
he did.  
  
"Yes, I know you did, Big Brother," Frannie shouted at the  
closed window of Ray's car. "You slept with her!" Jumping  
up and down she called out, "There is a god!"  
  
Ray started the car, revving the engine in his impatience to get away  
from his sister's all-knowing grin. Just as he was about to back out  
the drive, she tapped on the glass again. With a frustrated sigh, Ray  
wound down the window.  
  
"What?"  
  
Francesca smiled before speaking. "Does Fraser know?" she  
asked, a sweet smile adorning her face.  
  
Ray growled and threw the vehicle into reverse.  
  
"Does your best friend know you slept with his fiance?" she  
called as the Riv lunged backwards down the drive and into the street.  
  
"Stay out of it, Francesca!" Ray shouted, before shifting into  
drive and taking off.  
  
Francesca watched her brother's car disappear down the street and then  
she strolled into the house, not at all concerned that her fluffy pink  
slippers were dripping wet and her feet were blue with cold. She knew  
what she had to do.  
  
  
  
Benton Fraser could almost feel the anger in his superior officer's gaze,  
her eyes raking over him as she considered the request he had just made.  
Ever since their attempt at a personal relationship had failed, she had  
been unable to speak to him without an angry edge to her voice. He deliberately  
waited until after lunch before approaching Inspector Thatcher, she always  
seemed more reasonable in the afternoon. Ben knew she was not a morning  
person. This afternoon, however, she did not seem much better.  
  
"I suppose you have a reason for requesting two days personal leave,  
Constable Fraser?"  
  
Ben nodded and cleared his throat before speaking. "Yes I do, Sir."  
He planned to take two days leave after the coming weekend and return  
to Canada. He planned to propose to Cat.  
  
Thatcher still stared at him, waiting for a response. She sighed. "And  
what might that be?"  
  
"Um.....I'd rather not say, Sir." The Mountie blushed slightly  
and hoped the Inspector didn't notice.  
  
Thatcher frowned at him and then sat forward in her chair, inspecting  
the leave application in front of her. She tapped at the page with a  
crimson fingernail, her indecision showing clearly on her face.  
  
"Sir, if I may just speak in my defence?" Ben waited for Thatcher  
to signal before continuing. "You **did** refuse my request  
for leave over the Holidays and I **have** worked most weekends during  
that time....."  
  
Thatcher's head snapped up. "That's because you spend so much time  
with Vecchio when you should be working for the RCMP."  
  
Ben opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it and closed it  
again. Thatcher returned to her inspection of his application, although  
Ben wasn't sure why that was necessary.  
  
Just as Ben was about to leave the room, taking her silence as refusal,  
Thatcher hurriedly signed her name on the bottom of the form and held  
it out to him, her eyes not meeting his.  
  
"Leave approved, Constable." She raised her stony eyes to  
meet his. "But I want you back at work next Wednesday morning,  
without fail, or it's sentry duty for the rest of the year." She  
rose to her feet and did her best to appear imposing. "Do I make  
myself clear, Constable?"  
  
Ben licked his lips nervously as he reached for the proffered paper.  
"Understood," he said softly, then waited for a sign that he  
was dismissed. When Thatcher nodded once, sharply, he left the room  
before she had a chance to change her mind.  
  
  
  
The BakTrak offices were almost silent. The late afternoon sun shone  
through the windows, bathing everyone in a soft golden light. Phil had  
locked herself away in her office several hours earlier, with strict  
instructions not to be disturbed � she had work to do.  
  
Mark knelt on the floor by his desk, a large map spread in front of him.  
Opposite, Jeff was stretched out on his stomach pointing out the additional  
sidetrips for the Sandburg and Black package. It was going to be something  
new and exciting and Mark quickly caught Jeff's enthusiasm. Neither  
of them heard the door of the office open.  
  
"Excuse me," a voice said behind them.  
  
Both men looked up, startled to find a delivery boy with a very large  
bunch of brilliantly coloured flowers. "Delivery for some guy named  
Philip McKenzie."  
  
Jeff hid a laugh as he jumped to his feet. "Philippe's a woman,"  
he said grinning, "and I wouldn't let her hear you call her a guy  
if I were you."  
  
The delivery boy looked surprised as Jeff took the flowers from him.  
Mark whistled in appreciation at the sheer size of the bundle. Jeff  
tipped the startled delivery boy and he departed, leaving the two men  
staring at each other.  
  
"Well, well, I wonder who these are from?" Mark said.  
  
Jeff poked amongst the flowers for a card. He found it. It was sealed.  
He shrugged in disappointment. "Probably Rob or TJ. They know  
she's been having a rough time lately."  
  
Mark shook his head. "Those aren't **brother** flowers,"  
he stated, knowingly.  
  
Jeff looked thoughtful for a moment. "And Phil **did** get a  
call from a guy yesterday......"  
  
The two men exchanged a glance and then grinned at each other. "Well,  
let's go find out," Jeff said.  
  
  
Phil's head spun around when the door to her office opened without anyone  
having knocked. Embarrassed at being caught day-dreaming about Martin,  
she was about to snap at the two men barging into her office when she  
noticed the armful of brilliantly coloured flowers Jeff carried.  
  
"These just arrived for you," he announced, placing them carefully  
on the desk.  
  
"Oh my...." Phil whispered as she reached for the card nestled  
amongst the blooms.  
  
It was an unusual combination, purple columbines and creamy ranunculus.  
The sender of these flowers had obviously gone to a lot of trouble to  
find the perfect flowers. She knew whom they were from before she even  
opened the card. Slipping a long, elegant finger under the flap of the  
envelope, she looked up through lowered lashes to see Jeff and Mark lean  
closer.  
  
"They're probably from Rob or TJ," Phil said, by way of explanation.  
  
Jeff and Mark exchanged a knowing glance. "I don't **think**  
so, Phil," Jeff smiled at his employer and friend.  
  
"Yeah, Phil, those are **date** flowers," Mark insisted,  
nodding in agreement with Jeff.  
  
Phil dropped her hands into her lap, smiling. "You've been spending  
way too much time with Cat Madden, Mark."  
  
"They must mean something," Mark insisted.  
  
Jeff nodded his agreement. "You have to admit, it's a strange choice  
of flowers, Phil."  
  
Mark nodded as well. "Call Cathy, she'll tell you."  
  
Phil mock-frowned at the two men. "Cat thinks everything means  
something. These are obviously the only flowers in season at the moment."  
She hoped neither Jeff nor Mark knew too much about botany. Both flowers  
were out of season and these blooms were very obviously sought out for  
a particular reason. She reached across her desk for an eraser and threw  
it at the men in her doorway. "Now get out and let me get back  
to work."  
  
Jeff ducked and the eraser hit Mark in the chest. Laughing, the two  
men left the room, closing the door behind them.  
  
  
When the door clicked, Phil stared at the envelope she had dropped into  
her lap. She knew the flowers were from Martin. With shaking hands  
she opened the envelope and pulled out the small card inside.  
  
Phil,  
  
Last night was a lot of fun. I hope it's the first of many. I chose  
these flowers for you.  
  
Martin  
  
The greeting on the card was simple, but the flowers said a whole lot  
more. The ranunculus said very simply that Martin was dazzled by her  
charms. The purple columbines, besides being Phil's own favourite, spoke  
of a resolve to win. Win what? Her love? For once in her life it  
didn't scare her. Phil was surprised to learn she was more comfortable  
with that thought than she expected.  
  
  
  
Ray approached his desk with an armful of case files. Plonking them  
down heavily, he muttered something about how a Detective First Grade  
should not have to do his own paperwork and then he sat down, still grumbling.  
His satisfaction with nailing Reith was almost gone, marred by the incident  
with Francesca in the driveway that morning and the three teetering stacks  
of case files on his desk that he needed as reference.  
  
Cursing under his breath he grabbed a folder and began the mammoth task  
of organising his notes from the day before. He almost wished Fraser  
would appear and offer to help. Cursing again, he thought about the  
Mountie and his determination to propose to Cat.  
  
And then he thought about Francesca. He was sure his sister was on her  
way to the Consulate by now, ready to inform Fraser of her suspicions.  
 _'Just what I need,_ ' Ray thought to himself. _'A nosy sister,  
a best friend with a strange idea in his head, and paperwork.' _Ray  
wondered if the day could get any worse.  
  
Elaine approached Ray's desk warily. She had the report he had been  
waiting on. He had been snappy ever since his arrival just before lunch  
and she never quite knew what would set him off. "Ray, here's the  
DA's report," she said softly, holding the paper out to him.  
  
He tilted his head and, to Elaine's surprise, smiled up at her. "Thanks,  
Elaine. You've been a real help with this." He reached out to  
take the report from a startled Elaine, his arm bumping the last stack  
of files just deposited on his desk. His smile disappeared in an instant.  
  
"Jesus!" he snapped. "I didn't think this day could get  
any worse!" With a growl, Ray jumped out of his chair, collecting  
the scattered files from the precinct floor.  
  
Elaine dropped to her knees to help. "I'll take care of this, Ray."  
  
On his hands and knees with Elaine, Ray's anger dissipated surprisingly  
quickly. Sitting back on his heels he said, "I'd like to know which  
deity I've pissed off today and who I have to sacrifice to remove the  
curse. Do you think they'd be happy with Frannie?"  
  
Elaine laughed despite herself and together they gathered up the last  
of the files. As they tumbled the mess back onto the desk, a soft green  
envelope caught his eye. It was addressed to him.  
  
Hidden by the stack of folders that had occupied his desk for most of  
the day, Ray had not noticed it before and he wondered who it could be  
from. He picked it up as Elaine made her way back to her desk.  
  
Opening the envelope and reaching inside, Ray found a sheet of paper  
folded in half concealing a photograph. Unfolding the sheet of paper  
the photo was revealed. It was Casey and Trevor. Ray sat down on his  
chair with a thud, his mouth hanging open. Quickly he turned his attention  
to the letter.  
  
Hi Ray,  
  
Sorry I missed you. I'm leaving for Montana this morning and I thought  
I'd stop by and say hello. Here's a picture from my last birthday party.  
Will write soon.  
  
Trevor  
  
PS You should call her  
  
  
Ray's mouth went dry and he took a moment to pull himself together.   
Then he erupted out of his seat, waving the letter and photo at Elaine  
as he stormed across the room.  
  
"Where did this come from?" he demanded.  
  
"Your desk is my guess," Elaine said, turning back to her computer.  
  
"But who **put** it there?"  
  
"I don't know, Ray. People put things on your desk all the time."  
  
Ray paced behind Elaine. "But you must have seen this guy. A kid.  
My height, sandy hair, clean cut."  
  
"Oh **that** envelope." Elaine spun her chair around to  
face Ray. "That was yesterday morning. He waited for about an hour."  
  
"You should have called me!"  
  
"He said it wasn't important," Elaine said, "and besides,  
you were working the Reith case and I knew how important that was to  
you."  
  
"That's why I have a fucking **cellphone** , Elaine!" Ray  
strode back to his desk. "If I didn't want to take calls I would  
have turned the fucking thing **off**."  
  
Elaine watched as Ray threw himself back into his chair and re-read the  
letter, clutching it tightly in his right hand and the photo in his left.  
With not a small amount of curiosity about the contents of the letter  
and photograph, Elaine turned back to her computer and resumed work.  
As much as she wanted to ask Ray about it, she decided it was not worth  
the risk of setting him off again. He was so touchy these days.  
  
Ray's eyes shifted from the letter to the photo. Casey still looked  
as lovely as ever. His heart ached. The day had just gotten a whole  
lot worse.  
  
  
  
"You and Lloyd were gone all day," Joseph said, as he led Cat  
into the living room for a pre-dinner drink. "I hope Lloyd was  
taking care of you?"  
  
Cat smiled. "Oh, yes." She settled herself into an armchair  
so she would have a full view of Lloyd when he entered the room.  
  
"So what do you think of our son, Cathy?" Joseph asked, as  
he poured a large glass of red wine.  
  
Cat smiled shyly before accepting the glass from Joseph. "Minwasoh,"  
she said softly, aware that Emily was not in earshot and Joseph might  
not know what she said.  
  
"Am I the only one around here who doesn't speak Cree?" Joseph  
chuckled. Even after nearly forty years of marriage to Emily, he had  
only managed to pick up a few words. Before he could ask for an interpretation,  
Lloyd appeared in the doorway, hair still damp from his evening shower.  
  
"I'm flattered, Cathy," Lloyd said, catching Cat's gaze and  
holding it.  
  
"OK, so what **did** you say?" Joseph asked, looking from  
Cat to Lloyd then back again.  
  
"I said your son is handsome," Cat told him, her eyes never  
once leaving Lloyd's.  
  
Joseph raised his eyebrow at Cathy and then looked to his son. He thought  
they made a nice couple. Feeling almost like he was intruding on an  
intimate moment he shuffled off to help Emily with dinner. Neither Cat  
nor Lloyd noticed.  
  
  
  
Phil hummed as she hopped around her kitchen pulling together an evening  
meal of leftovers. Although if asked she wouldn't admit it, she had  
hoped to see Martin again tonight. A part of her was disappointed that  
he couldn't make it, but another part of her was happy. When she called  
him to thank him for the flowers earlier that afternoon, he informed  
her he was rostered to work nights for the rest of the week, but he was  
hoping to swap his shift with one of the other doctors. If all went  
well, they would be seeing each other in less than twenty-four hours.  
Not that Phil was counting.  
  
Seated at the small kitchen table, Phil nibbled at the odd assortment  
of food on her plate, not noticing what she ate. Her mind was elsewhere.  
She was thinking about Martin. She couldn't remember when a man had  
made her this distracted. Or could she? Ben's face popped into her  
mind, unbidden. With a particularly energetic chew to something salty,  
Phil pushed the image from her mind. She wasn't going to think about  
him now, not when she had met someone who came close to erasing his memory.  
She needed something to occupy her mind.  
  
Leaving her plate on the table, Phil hobbled into the living room and  
ran her eyes around the room. Television? No, it bored her. Reading?  
No, it only distracted her. Sewing? No, not tonight. Music! That  
was it.  
  
Moving to the stereo, Phil found her hand automatically reaching for  
a Sarah McLachlan CD, but withdrew it suddenly - the Canadian woman's  
soulful voice made her think about things best forgotten. Quickly, she  
scanned the rest of her collection; Blue Rodeo, Robbie Robertson, Holly  
Cole, Northern Pikes, Gordon Lightfoot, Colin James, Tom Cochrane, Tragically  
Hip, BR5-49, Great Big Sea � how did she come to have so many Canadian  
artists? Phil fixed her CDs with a determined stare.  
  
"Pure coincidence," she said to the rows of plastic boxes.  
As if to prove a point, she reached out and deliberately selected a Canadian  
CD. It was Colin James' Bad Habits. "I feel like a bit of rhythm  
and blues," she said defiantly to the empty room as she lowered  
herself to the sofa. Within seconds the sultry voice of the Canadian  
singer filled the room,  
  
 _Late last night I was dreaming, I was dreaming of your charms  
And I was standin' on the edge of love baby, with you in my arms  
Well you whispered sweet things and you told me  
You told me that you loved and you'd always be true  
And that you'd stand on the edge of love with me, honey I'll stand with  
you  
That's why I'm standing on the edge of love and I'm just about  
to slip and fall....  
That's why I'm standing on the edge of love  
baby, waiting on your call  
_  
A shiver ran through Phil's body as she listened to the words. Her dream  
of several nights ago, meeting Martin, the feeling that something was  
about to happen � it all made sense now. She was at the turning  
point in her life, the start of something new and wonderful. All she  
had to do was close the door to the past.  
  
With that decided, Phil struggled to her feet and made her way into her  
office. Lifting the lid of a leadlight box that had been a gift from  
Rob, she took out the envelope that Cat had handed her nearly a week  
ago now � the envelope that contained Ben's address.  
  
"I won't be needing this," Phil said out loud to anyone who  
cared to listen.  
  
With determined movements, she went into her bedroom and pulled the box  
of Ben's memorabilia from her closet. Lifting the lid the barest amount  
necessary, Phil slid the envelope inside and shut it again. When TJ  
came over next time she would ask him to dispose of it for her. Then  
the door to the past would be closed forever and Phil could get on with  
the new life that she now stood on the edge of.  
  
  
  
Ben hummed as he prepared himself a simple meal of cheese and bread.  
It was a little later than he normally preferred to eat, but his visit  
with Ray at the 27th Precinct had made him late in arriving home. But  
that didn't bother him. Nothing bothered him tonight. Not even Ray's  
disapproving silence when Ben gave him the news of his impending visit  
to Canada to propose to Cat could dampen his spirits this evening.  
  
With the plate of cheese and bread in one hand, Ben picked up a chair  
with the other and carried both across the room to the window. When  
he was seated comfortably, observing the people on the street below,  
he began to eat slowly, chewing his food the exact number of times his  
grandmother had instructed him.  
  
A couple stopped to peer into a store window on the opposite side of  
the street, their arms clutched firmly about each other's waists. From  
his vantage point across the road, Ben could see they were in love.   
It showed in the way they each tilted their head to capture every word  
the other spoke, like the other was speaking some previously unknown  
truth. For a brief moment Ben felt a pang of longing, but it quickly  
vanished when he reminded himself that he would see Cat in less than  
two days. No, nothing could dampen his spirits tonight.  
  
As Ben swallowed the last of his bread and cheese, a soft, tentative  
knock sounded at the door. Dief was there before Ben even got to his  
feet. He checked his watch as he crossed the room, wondering who would  
be visiting him at 9.30pm.  
  
"Hi, Fraser," Francesca Vecchio's voice was more subdued than  
he had ever heard.  
  
"Hello Francesca," he said, panic rising in his chest. So  
maybe something **could** dampen his spirits tonight. "What can  
I do for you?"  
  
"Can I come in?" she asked. "It's cold out here."  
The young woman clutched her long black overcoat around her body to emphasise  
her coldness.  
  
Ben looked her up and down, remembering another night when she appeared  
at his door in this same coat � and little else.  
  
"Ah....." he managed to stammer, blushing a fierce shade of  
red.  
  
Francesca grinned. "It's OK, Fraser. I'm fully dressed this time."  
  
Her dark eyes glowed with something that Ben could not decipher. Stepping  
aside, he gestured for her to enter. "I'm sorry......please come  
in."  
  
Diefenbaker scampered across the floor and under the bed. He did **not**  
want to know about this visit. Ben frowned at the wolf. Anxious to  
avoid any physical contact, Ben skirted neatly to the side, then closed  
the door behind her before skipping off to the kitchen and clutching  
the kettle in front of him.  
  
"Can I offer you some tea?" he asked, holding the kettle up.  
  
"No, thanks, Fraser. I won't stay long," Francesca said, a  
knowing grin on her face. "I've just come to give you some.......information."  
  
"Ah.....in....information?" Ben stammered, suddenly very nervous.  
  
"Yeah," Francesca smiled at him. "About your **fiance**."  
She leaned against the refrigerator, her arms crossed over her chest.  
  
"My fiance? Cat?" Ben was confused. What could Francesca  
have to tell him about Cat? He set the kettle down on the sink, frowning.  
  
"Yeah, your ever-loving, faithful fiance." Francesca pushed  
herself off the fridge and sauntered over to the bed, perching on the  
edge. Unheard by the young woman, Dief whimpered. "There's something  
you should know."  
  
Ben relaxed. He had a feeling he knew what Francesca was about to tell  
him. "What would that be?"  
  
"She's been sleeping with my brother." Francesca stated. This  
time the glow in Francesca's eyes was easy to decipher � triumph.  
  
Suddenly defensive of Cat and Ray, Ben drew himself to his full height.  
"Actually, Francesca, I am well aware of Cat's.....um..... **relationship**  
with Ray and, whilst it is none of your business, I can tell you that  
it occurred before I decided to marry Cat."  
  
Francesca stared at him open-mouthed. "And you don't care?"  
  
Ben cleared his throat. Did he care? He wasn't sure, but he wasn't  
about to let Francesca get away with disparaging remarks about Cat.   
"My relationship with Cat is something I do not think I should discuss  
with you, Francesca." He moved to stand in front of her. "I'm  
sorry if it hurts you, Francesca, but I intend to marry Cat. She is......"  
He stopped when Francesca dropped her head, avoiding his eyes. "Are  
you alright?" he asked in a gentle voice.  
  
Francesca stood suddenly and Ben had to step backwards to avoid a collision.  
Tears streaked her face. "I think I should go now," she said  
in a voice that was almost inaudible.  
  
"I'm very sorry, Francesca," Ben said as he followed her to  
the door.  
  
The young woman stopped, her hand on the doorknob. Turning to face him  
again, she said, "The woman you're going to marry slept with my  
brother and you don't care? You're weirder than I thought, Fraser."  
  
Ben opened his mouth to reply, but Francesca yanked the door open and  
headed out into the hall, stopping him. With a strange look in her eye  
she turned to him and sneered, "For all I know, you probably had  
some sort weird threesome going on while the rest of the family was away.  
Eeuuww! The thought makes me sick."  
  
With that, she spun on her heel and charged off down the corridor to  
the stairs, leaving Ben standing in his doorway blushing wildly, even  
though they was no-one to see. Eventually, Diefenbaker's head appeared  
from under the bed.  
  
*Whine*  
  
Still blushing, Ben closed the door and turned to his lupine companion.  
"Pretend you didn't hear that, Diefenbaker."  
  
  
  
Ray banged furiously at the computer keyboard, the details of the Reith  
arrest flowing from his fingers with ease in the late night silence of  
the 27th Precinct. His frustration had gone from strength to strength  
all day, sparked by his confrontation with Francesca in the morning then  
fuelled by the appearance of Trevor's letter and photo later in the day  
and, finally, capped off by Fraser's visit a few hours earlier when the  
Mountie informed him he would be going to Canada for the weekend.  
  
It wasn't that he didn't want Fraser to go to Canada and propose to Cat.  
If anything, Ray knew she would be good for him. Chuckling despite his  
bad mood, Ray thought that maybe a weekend with Cat would sort Fraser  
out � a few days alone in her company had done wonders for him.  
  
His mirth disappeared again. The warmth of those days was long gone,  
replaced by something cold and empty. No amount of time with anyone  
could fix the hunger that burned in the pit of his belly. That is, nothing  
except one woman with storm grey eyes.  
  
Ray sat back in his chair and let his head drop backwards. That's what  
this was all about. That's why he was sitting at his desk at 10.30pm  
and avoiding going home � avoiding being alone with his thoughts.  
Casey Sinclair.  
  
Everything he felt, did, saw � even ate � was affected by her.  
He couldn't share Fraser's happiness because it only highlighted his  
own self-imposed loneliness. He couldn't cope with Frannie's denial  
of the Mountie's disinterest because it mocked his own denial �  
that he needed Casey more than he could say. He couldn't even find refuge  
in memories of his time with Cat because it only reminded him that she  
was now where he longed to be � with Casey.  
  
He'd promised he wouldn't look at it again, but Ray knew he had lied  
to himself. Feeling like an alcoholic about to take liquor long denied,  
he leaned forward and slid open the top drawer of his desk. His hand  
went straight to the photo placed there that afternoon for safekeeping.  
  
Tears pricked at his eyes as he stared at the face of the woman he loved.  
No, it was about more than that. It was about much more than just love.  
It was about completion � it was about communion. The words Cat  
had said to him only a week ago rang in his ears _, 'You'll understand  
when you meet your soul-mate, Ray.'  
_  
"Oh, I understand, Cat," Ray said out loud, his words echoing  
in the stillness of the squadroom. "I understand just fine."  
  
Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe it was the lateness of the hour or maybe  
it was something deeply hidden in his heart, he couldn't say � whatever  
it was welled up inside Ray and he could contain it no longer. With  
a long wail he threw back his head and sobbed, giving way to emotions  
he didn't know he had. Casey's photo fell to the floor.  
  
The sounds of Ray's anguish rang out loudly in the silent darkness of  
the Chicago Police Department's Violent Crimes Unit, but he was powerless  
to stop the tide that poured out of him.  
  
Unseen by Ray, in the chair normally occupied by another Mountie, sat  
Bob Fraser. Frowning, he leaned forward so that Ray could have felt  
him, had he been alive.  
  
"Let it go, Son," he intoned. "It won't do any good to  
keep it in." He lifted an arm to pat Ray's shoulder, but dropped  
it again when he remembered he couldn't. "Your father should be  
here instead of me, but no mind, I'll do what I can."  
  
The racking sobs that forced their way out of Ray's body slowly subsided,  
leaving him sucking great gulps of air. The tears still came, coursing  
their way down his cheeks. From time to time Ray lifted a hand and wiped  
at his face, but otherwise he did not move.  
  
Bob shook his head and continued his litany. "There's no need to  
feel embarrassed, Son. Every man needs to shed a few tears, despite  
what I told Benton. Just let it all out. I'll stay here with you."  
  
Ray sighed deeply then leaned forward rubbed his hands over his face.  
His tears slowed and his breathing gradually evened out.  
  
Still Bob talked. "See, you're feeling better already. You just  
need to let it go, then you'll see what I mean." Bob waggled a  
finger at the dark head in front of him. "Don't worry, Ray, I'll  
help you. Just you wait and see. Once you let it all go you'll feel  
like you're starting again � like you're on the edge of something  
new� mark my words."  
  
Ray staggered to his feet and reached for the photo under his chair.  
Taking only a quick glance at the storm-grey eyes he knew so well, he  
pulled his wallet from his pocket and tucked Casey's picture behind some  
old bits of paper. He felt better now.  
  
The frustration was still there and the hunger still burned in the pit  
of his stomach, but it was tempered by something he couldn't quite define.  
It wasn't until much later, after he filed his reports, tidied his desk  
and was on his way home that he realised what it was � hope.  
  
  
  
Once again, Cat didn't know how she made it through dinner. All through  
the meal she was aware of Lloyd's closeness � he sat to her left,  
his chair as near to hers as possible. Fortunately, the rest of the  
Hope family focussed their attention on Trevor, whom they had not seen  
for some time, so that she was rarely called upon. Cat liked Trevor  
and looked forward to getting to know him, but for the moment her energy  
was focussed on getting to know Lloyd a whole lot better. She wanted  
to be alone with him.  
  
  
It was a relief to be away from the others and alone with Lloyd on the  
path that led to her cabin, her hand gripped firmly in his. There was  
no need for words � they both knew what was about to take place.  
So it was no surprise when Lloyd stopped and swept Cat into his arms  
and kissed her with a fervour that she had known only once before in  
her life.  
  
Cat stumbled back against a tree, Lloyd holding her when she lost her  
footing. His mouth on hers was warm and inviting, despite the chill  
of the night. Cat threw back her head, exposing her throat as Lloyd's  
kiss moved lower. Cat moaned out loud at his touch and Lloyd pressed  
closer, nudging his thigh between her legs and pushing her further against  
the tree. His mouth sought hers again and this time it was hot and demanding.  
Eventually the need for air forced them apart.  
  
"Inside?" Cat managed to get out.  
  
Lloyd's steady eyes met hers, his desire evident. "Yes, Cathy,  
I'll come inside with you. I'll come to your bed."  
  
Cat tried to move towards the cabin, but Lloyd stopped her, one hand  
coming up to push the hair away from her face.  
  
"But this isn't just one night. Don't think it will be over when  
we cum."  
  
The rawness of Lloyd's words shocked Cat and she stared at him. In that  
brief instant ultimate understanding filled Cat's mind. In all the years  
she had told other people about true love and soul mates, she had never  
really understood it. Knowing something intellectually was way different  
than knowing it with every atom in your body. And now, faced with the  
truth, she was scared � terrified.  
  
At last she knew the fear that Ben and Phil spoke of. She finally understood  
why they did not want to claim the love that was theirs, why it was easier  
to walk away. She felt as though her soul was laid bare at Lloyd's feet  
and although she knew without doubt that he would only love her, Cat  
was frightened.  
  
Lloyd watched her, waiting for a response and when none came he spoke.  
"Don't tell me you don't know, Cathy. I know you know."  
  
Cat bit down on the panic rising in her. _How did he know?_ She  
was the one who knew things. Other people didn't know things about her.  
And why was she so scared? Hadn't she spent weeks � no, months  
telling Ben and Phil and then more recently Ray that they should reach  
out for love? Why was she suddenly scared of taking her own advice?  
It seemed like an eternity since Lloyd had spoken, but his words still  
hung between them.  
  
"Lloyd, I....." Cat started.  
  
A gentle smile lit his face and he pulled Cat against him, kissing the  
top of her head. "Are you ready for me, Cathy?"  
  
Cat pulled away to look at him, her heart pounding like it would tear  
from her chest. She was past the point where she could have walked away.  
She passed that point when she first laid eyes on Lloyd two nights ago.  
There was no turning back.  
  
"Yes," she whispered in a husky voice. "I'm ready."  
  
"Good," he replied, a warm smile curling his lips. "I've  
been waiting for you for the longest time." The smile turned sensual.  
"I'm yours," he whispered in a voice deep with emotion.  
  
Silently, Lloyd took Cat's hand and led her towards her cabin. His last  
words rang in Cat's ears as she followed him - 'I'm yours'. Suddenly,  
she was struck by a memory � a memory long forgotten. In her mind  
she heard a voice tell her 'look for what is yours at the Edge of the  
Earth'. At last she understood.  
  
  
In the warm safety of Cat's cabin, Lloyd stared at the woman in front  
of him, dumbstruck by the way she looked in the flickering light of the  
fire and the sheer magnitude of what lay ahead of them. He faltered,  
unable to find any words to describe what he felt. He reached out a  
hand to Cat and this time it was she who faltered.  
  
Cat trembled, feeling more vulnerable than she had ever known. The deep  
purple lace teddy she wore left her feeling more exposed than if she  
had been naked. How many times had she done this before? How many times  
had she stood barely dressed before a lover? Too many to count, she  
realised not without fear. But never had she felt this nervous. Never  
before had it been **this** important.  
  
Cat's tiny hand slid into Lloyd's much larger one and she closed her  
eyes briefly at the warmth of it. When she opened them again, Lloyd  
still stared at her, his eyes calm and patient, giving her all the time  
she needed.  
  
"Cathy....." he eventually ground out, in a voice that spoke  
of love.  
  
Lloyd tugged at Cat's hand, urging her closer, but Cat resisted.  
  
"Lloyd, I......" Cat broke off, suddenly embarrassed by what  
she had to tell him. "I...there have been others......"  
  
Lloyd smiled at her then laughed a deep, sexy laugh, a bedroom laugh.  
"Oh my sweet Cathy," he whispered. "I'm 38 years old.  
Do you think there have been no others in my life, no others in my bed?"  
  
"No, Lloyd, you don't understand," Cat tightened her grip on  
his hand. "I mean **many** others...." For a moment she  
panicked. What if this was too much for him? But it was important to  
her that he knew. Tears pricked at her eyes. "Many, many others.......  
I..."  
  
Lloyd cut her off before she could continue. "I don't care."  
  
"But..."  
  
"It doesn't matter, Cathy." Lloyd stepped closer and cupped  
her cheek with his large hand. "None of it matters. Not your lovers,  
not my lovers, none of it. It's all in the past." He made a sweeping  
gesture with his free hand and then brought it around to cup Cat's other  
cheek. He lowered his head and touched his lips to hers gently. "This  
is what matters," he said, letting his hands slip onto Cat's shoulders  
and then down her arms. "There's no-one but you and me now."  
  
Cat was unable to speak. She stared at Lloyd, deeply moved by the love  
she saw shining in his eyes. Yes, this is what it is all about. For  
all the years she had spent telling other people in her life about true  
love and soul mates, until this moment Cat had never known the true meaning  
of what she told people. It suddenly all made sense. Without knowing  
how it happened, Cat found herself in Lloyd's arms, pressed against his  
naked warmth, unable to resist a moment longer.  
  
  
  
Ben sat by his window late into the night, finally, gratefully dragging  
himself across the floor to his bed when his eyes would stay open no  
longer. Although he would not remember it for some time to come, he  
dreamed of Cat that night. He dreamed she walked along the edge of a  
deep, dark waterhole. As he watched, she balanced skilfully on the edge  
then without warning, toppled over into its murky depths. He ran to  
her but by the time he reached the edge of the waterhole a man had pulled  
Cat out of the water and held her against his bare chest, his long black  
hair cascading over her face as he tended to her.  
  
"It should be me," Ben said in his dream. "I wanted to  
be the one to save you. Now who will save me?" But he wouldn't  
remember the dream until it was too late.  
  
  
  
The early morning sun streamed through the window and across the floor  
to the bed, bathing its occupants in its golden glow. Cat turned in  
the arms that held her, a smile already on her lips before she opened  
her eyes. She couldn't remember when she had felt this good.  
  
Lloyd smiled as Cat's eyes fluttered open. "Tansi," he greeted,  
gently kissing her forehead.  
  
"Mon nantow," Cat responded, nestling into his chest again.  
"Kena ma?"  
  
"Ah," Lloyd replied, leaning down to nuzzle Cat's throat. "Minentum.......minentum...."  
  
Cat shuddered in pleasure as Lloyd's hands flowed over her skin and his  
lips skimmed her throat. "Kihtwam," she whispered, "kihtwam......"  
then she could say no more.  
  
  
  
Friday morning saw Ben at work early, keen to set his plan in motion.  
He had already arranged for Ray to drop him at the airport the next day  
and to take care of Diefenbaker whilst he was in Canada, so all that  
was left was to telephone Cat's housesitter, Constable Jenny Newman,  
and inform her of his plans. If all went well, he would arrive in Moose  
Jaw Saturday afternoon, collect Cat's jeep and replenish her grocery  
supplies. Sunday morning he would buy flowers and prepare the house  
for her homecoming and then Sunday afternoon he would be there to meet  
Cat's plane. It was such a good plan and there was nothing that could  
go wrong.  
  
  
  
Ray attended the preliminary hearing for Howard and Reith although he  
didn't need to. The excitement from their arrest had long since faded,  
but he felt a strange, satisfied warmth flow through his veins as the  
two men were led from the chamber back to their cells.  
  
With a contented smile on his face he filed out of the courtroom, wishing  
that there were someone other than Fraser he could share this with.   
Unconsciously his hand came to rest on his breast pocket, the pocket  
that held his wallet. Although he had vowed not to look at Casey's picture,  
just knowing it was there gave him some comfort. For the moment it would  
do but he wondered for how long he could fool himself that it was enough.  
  
  
  
The late afternoon sun made the BakTrak office warm and comfortable.  
Phil was alone, having sent Jeff and Mark home early for the weekend.  
She relished the solitude, even though her evening loomed long and lonely  
ahead of her. To her disappointment, Martin was unable to change his  
shift and join her for dinner, so she would not see him until Saturday  
evening. But that was cause for excitement for she had offered to cook  
for Martin, something she had not done for a long time. She shivered  
in anticipation at the thought. All she had to do was get rid of Ben's  
box of memorabilia and everything would be fine.  
  
  
  
Without any real discussion, Emily knew Cat and Lloyd would not join  
the rest of the family for dinner. The stockpot of casserole and basket  
of Emily's crusty baked bread that she and Lloyd found in her cabin said  
enough. The bottle of vintage red wine that accompanied the food said  
even more. It seemed everyone knew they had a lot to say to each other.  
  
  
The next morning, lit by the glow from the early sun, Cat set the coffeepot  
on the stove to percolate and then turned to face her lover, a warm smile  
infusing her features with pleasure.  
  
"Don't think I'm going to make your coffee every morning, Lloyd  
Hope."  
  
Lloyd grinned at her from where he leaned against the kitchen bench.  
"Well now, Cathy, perhaps we need to rethink this relationship.  
I assumed, naturally, that you would be up early every morning to cook  
me a hot breakfast as **well** as making coffee."  
  
She leaned over and whacked his arm playfully. "In your dreams,  
buddy."  
  
"So that's the way it's going to be?" Lloyd asked, a mischievous  
tone in his voice. "I might have to do something about that."  
He lunged at her and Cat deftly sidestepped him, laughing as she dashed  
to the other side of the kitchen table.  
  
"Just try," she goaded him, still grinning. This time when  
Lloyd lunged, Cat let herself be caught.  
  
  
  
Trevor rummaged in his bag, cursing and swearing under his breath, momentarily  
stopping to check that his mother had not heard him. She hadn't. She  
was busy in the kitchen baking muffins for Lloyd and Cat's breakfast.  
  
"Shit!" he said, louder this time. He couldn't find what he  
was looking for. In frustration he tipped the entire contents of the  
bag onto his bed. Tossing clothes to and fro, he eventually found the  
item he sought � a wallet of photos that he had carried all the  
way from Chicago.  
  
Brandishing the pack in front of him, Trevor dashed into to the kitchen.  
"Mom! I've found the pictures that Aunt Beth sent!"  
  
  
Casey flipped casually through the photos her son handed her, smiling  
as the antics of her sister's Christmas day came to light. "Doug  
and Tracy just grow so quickly, it's a wonder I recognise them at all,"  
she mused out loud, but Trevor wasn't listening.  
  
He was busy staring towards the cabin where he knew Lloyd and Cathy were  
ensconced, willing his cousin to come outside. He had travelled all  
the way to Montana knowing that Lloyd would be here, looking forward  
to some men's time. But now Lloyd was stuck inside his Aunt's cabin  
with the Mountie. What was it about his family and cops? First of all  
there was Ben Fraser taking over his room whilst he was away and then  
there was Ray Vecchio and his mother and now Lloyd and Cathy Madden.  
He had met her the night before last and he liked her well enough, but  
a part of him was annoyed that she now monopolised Lloyd's time. When  
was she going home? He hoped it was soon.  
  
"Oh my!" Casey cried from the other side of the room. Trevor  
jerked his head around at his mother's startled cry. Ever since her  
kidnapping he found himself extra sensitive to her emotions. But this  
time she looked okay. In fact, she looked happy.  
  
Casey smiled up at her son and waved the photos at him. "Did you  
look at these?"  
  
"No, I was late getting to Aunt Phil's - I, um, I had ...... some  
other things to do, so by the time I got there I only had time to grab  
them and run." Trevor hoped his mother didn't ask too many questions  
about what he had been doing in Chicago. He didn't want her to know  
he had been to see Ray.  
  
But Casey was too engrossed in the pictures to notice her son's discomfort.  
She pulled one out and handed it to Trevor, who had returned to his surveillance  
of the cabin, with an insistence that he take a look.  
  
After a moment, he turned and took the picture from her. Taking a quick  
look at the snapshot he stared up at his mother, finally understanding  
her outcry of a moment ago. This was the opportunity he was looking for,  
a reason to go and get Lloyd out of the cabin.  
  
"I think we need to find out more about this," Casey grinned  
at her offspring, knowing that he would welcome her suggestion. She  
wasn't blind to his frustration about Lloyd's, um, preoccupation. If  
they made a lot of noise as they crossed the clearing between the cabins,  
Cat and Lloyd should have plenty of time to make themselves decent.  
  
  
  
"I don't believe it!" Cat exclaimed as she looked between the  
grinning face of Casey and the photo in her own hand.  
  
It was a photo taken by Phil Christmas day of Cat with TJ, Beth, Rob  
and their children. She turned to look at Lloyd, who shook his head  
in disbelief - he'd been staring at the photo for a full two minutes  
and he still couldn't understand how Cathy had managed to appear in a  
photo with members of his own family.  
  
Turning back to Casey, Cat asked, "Where did you get this?"  
  
Casey grinned. "Beth sent them with Trevor. He was in Chicago  
briefly before he came home." The grin spread to Casey's eyes and  
she bounced on the balls of her feet. "So, Cathy, explain the coincidence  
of the century and tell me how it is you came to be at my sister's house  
on Christmas day." She was enjoying the conspiratorial feeling  
that filled the kitchen of Cat's cabin. Beside her Trevor waited patiently  
for an explanation  
  
At last Cat knew why Casey seemed so familiar. She was Beth's sister.  
So that meant she knew Phil, too. And Phil had mentioned knowing a writer.  
A shiver ran down Cat's spine. How much did Casey know about Phil's  
past?  
  
"Ah, well, it's rather a long story, but Phil McKenzie invited me.  
You see, I met Phil, TJ and Rob last year...."  
  
Casey clapped her hands together and cut Cat off. "You know Phil?"  
She turned her attention to Lloyd, who ran his hands through his long  
hair and gave her a wry smile. "Over to you, Lloyd," Casey  
said, grinning.  
  
Cat looked at Lloyd questioningly. "I'll explain later, Cathy,"  
he said, chuckling.  
  
Cat frowned and looked to Casey again. "I had no idea....."  
  
"This is **so** weird," Lloyd said, shaking his head. "How  
did you meet Phil?"  
  
Cat leaned back against the kitchen counter and looked back and forth  
between Lloyd and Casey, wondering how much they knew. Did Casey know  
about Ben and Phil? Did Casey know that the Benton Fraser she had dragged  
from the river was the same man who had fathered Phil McKenzie's child?  
She would have to be careful.  
  
"Well, I met Phil last year when she was kidnapped by a psycho I  
was tracking...."  
  
Trevor jumped in, cutting her off. "You mean **you're** the  
Mountie who found her? Mom saves a Mountie and then you save Phil?   
Wow!"  
  
Cat nodded and smiled.  
  
Casey, still jumping on the balls of her feet, said, "Tell me everything!"  
  
Cat looked back and forward between her new lover and her new friends  
as she told her story, unable to shake the feeling that she had entered  
the Twilight Zone.  
  
Lloyd and Casey exchanged a glance that Cat couldn't help notice and  
she knew there was more to the story than met the eye and her sixth sense  
told her Lloyd had something to tell her.  
  
  
  
Ray stretched out on his bed for an afternoon nap with Diefenbaker snoozing  
quietly on the floor beside him. Francesca was out with a friend and  
he was alone for what might be the last time in a long while. The rest  
of the family would return the next day and the house would once again  
be filled with constant chatter. But for now, such silence in a house  
that was rarely empty gave him a rare and treasured opportunity for some  
quiet reflection.  
  
He'd had his share of mania that day already. When he and Diefenbaker  
had returned from dropping Fraser at the airport, Francesca had accosted  
him and demanded to know what the wolf was doing in the house without  
the Mountie. After some obfuscation on his part, his wily sister figured  
out where Ben was and became hysterical, cursing and swearing in Italian.  
He'd stopped listening after a while, but he was sure he heard the word  
'puttanesca' a few times.  
  
Ray was troubled. He wasn't convinced that Fraser was making the right  
decision, but he hoped with all his heart that he was. Fraser deserved  
happiness after the things he had been through in the time they had been  
friends. Would he find what he needed with Cat? Only time would tell.  
In a small, buried part of his mind Ray was scared about what could happen  
if he didn't.  
  
Another buried part of Ray's mind cried out too. A part of him wished  
he could do what Fraser was doing. Oh, how he longed to get on a plane  
and go claim his love. But that wasn't going to happen any time soon.  
He let out a long sigh and turned on to his side, curling into a foetal  
position. When would this end? When would his hunger for Casey stop?  
The sane part of his mind wondered why he bothered asking that question.  
The feeling wouldn't stop � not until he claimed Casey again.  
  
  
  
Ben sighed with relief as he stood in Cat's kitchen, pleased that there  
was at least one constant in his life. Being here was the closest thing  
he ever felt to peace. Gazing around the familiar room, he let its comfort  
seep into his being, enjoying the feel of being in the only place he  
could really call home. Yes, he thought to himself, I am doing the right  
thing. Since his arrival early in the afternoon, he had shopped for  
groceries, chopped firewood and lit a roaring fire. Now, with uncharacteristic  
impatience, he waited for time to pass and Cat to return home.  
  
Sheila and Bella, after welcoming him at the front door, had followed  
him all over the house and had taken up a position on the kitchen bench  
so they could watch him as he packed the groceries into the cupboards.  
From time to time he would glance in their direction and find them huddled  
together, looking almost as though they were in conference. He had known  
these cats all their lives, so why did their all knowing stares unnerve  
him so? Or was it his paranoia?  
  
  
  
Phil stepped back from the table and admired her work. Laid with her  
favourite dark green china and heavy silver cutlery and topped off with  
a centrepiece made by her own hands, she hoped it gave the impression  
she was after � casual elegance. The previous evening she had spent  
agonising over the menu, eventually deciding on a simple homemade tomato  
soup, followed by chicken breasts in a creamy sauce, with fresh vegetables  
and homemade bread. Dessert would be chocolate pudding, followed by  
coffee.  
  
She was nervous. It had been some time since she had prepared a meal  
for a date and she hoped Martin liked the things she had prepared. She  
wasn't concerned about her abilities, Phil knew she was a good cook.  
It was the fact that she cared what Martin thought that made her nervous.  
 _'Since when did Phil McKenzie care what a man thought?'_ , she asked  
herself, but she already knew the answer to that question. But tonight  
would be the beginning of a change to all that.  
  
  
At the Edge of the Earth, fuelled by the knowledge that Cat was connected  
to the Hope family in more ways than one, Emily turned Cat's final night  
into a party. Not only was this to be Cathy's final night at Edge of  
the Earth, it was to be a sort of 'welcome to the family' and that meant  
Emily went all out. She was well aware of what was happening between  
her son and the young woman and it made her happy. With a mother's eye,  
Emily could see that Cathy brought out something in Lloyd that she hadn't  
previously known was there.  
  
Sated by Emily's wonderful cooking and Joseph's fine cognac, Cat surveyed  
the Hope living room from her vantage point by the fire. These people  
were now part of her family � Joseph had said so at dinner. After  
so many years with only Ben to call family, it seemed strange, but not  
unwelcome. Cat smiled to herself.  
  
She looked forward to telling Ben about Lloyd and their new family.   
She knew it wouldn't be too much of a shock to him, he knew the Hope  
family and had spoken to her of them on several occasions. He would  
be happy. And they owed it all to Ray Vecchio, the man she had so badly  
misjudged the first time they met. Now she owed him big time.  
  
Cat's gaze slid to Casey, deep in conversation with Joseph on the other  
side of the room. _'A Mountie always pays her debts,'_ Cat thought  
to herself as she eyed the pretty woman who had captured one Chicago  
cop's heart. A plot was already hatching somewhere in the back of her  
mind. With the zealousness of the newly converted she wanted everyone  
to know the contentment she had found.  
  
Cat's eyes naturally drifted to the source of her contentment. Leaning  
in the living room doorway, Lloyd was smiling as he spoke to his mother.  
If Cat had been closer she would have heard Lloyd say, "Mum, I've  
met the woman I will spend the rest of my life with."  
  
"That was quick, Son," Emily said, the tiniest twinge of mother's  
jealousy colouring her reply.  
  
But Lloyd didn't hear it. A dreamy smile spread across his face. "It's  
just like I saw in my vision."  
  
Emily stared up at her son. "You mean that time you went to the  
sweatlodge with Calvin?" Lloyd seemed to have a connection to her  
shaman uncle. Although Lloyd had as much Anglo blood as Cree, his attachment  
to his Cree heritage was strong and she was proud of it. But still she  
worried for his haste.  
  
Lloyd's voice dropped to a whisper, "It's like I've been waiting  
for Cathy."  
  
"Ah, Lloyd, you know I want you to be happy, but I don't want you  
to place too much importance on the old ways."  
  
"Kimama," Lloyd sighed, slipping for a moment into Cree, "it's  
important to know the old ways." He reached out and gently squeezed  
her hand. In a soft, low voice he said, "It's you, I suspect, who  
places too much importance on white man ways. Have you forgotten your  
own roots?"  
  
Emily's eyes slid from the placid face of her son, to the laughing face  
of Cathy Madden as she joked with Trevor. Was she the right woman for  
her son? Lloyd's smile said it was so and who was she to question his  
judgement. He was a man of 38 now. Only two generations earlier he  
would have been close to the end of his life at that age. Besides, she  
liked Cathy and her friend, Ben Fraser. What did she have to worry about?  
Casey was the one she should worry about.  
  
"You're right, Lloyd. I like Cathy. Be happy." Perhaps she  
could enlist Cathy's help to do something about Ray.  
  
Trevor had the same idea. After entertaining Cat with jokes for ten  
minutes, he finally worked up the courage to be blunt with her about  
what he wanted to say. But how to approach the topic? How to ask this  
woman he barely knew to help with his mother's love life? Jump right  
on in. Cat still laughed from the last joke he told as he leaned in  
to say, "Will you help me with Mom and Ray?"  
  
Momentarily taken aback, Cat choked on her reply. "Help you? Of  
course."  
  
So she wasn't the only one who wanted to get those two back together?  
Cat grinned and pulled Trevor closer to her, turning them so their backs  
were to the rest of the room. Together they hatched a plan that was  
to start with Cat mailing to Ray the photograph that she had taken of  
Casey. Trevor would pick up from there. Only time would tell if it  
would work.  
  
  
  
Phil stifled another yawn and sipped at her third hot chocolate. Her  
ankle ached like crazy and she was very tired, but she didn't want the  
evening to end. Dinner had been great, she even surprised herself with  
the meal she prepared. She wasn't ready for Martin to leave just yet.  
  
Martin checked his watch reluctantly. It was past 1am and he didn't  
really want to leave, but Phil looked tired and she shifted her leg restlessly,  
like her ankle was causing her pain. It was time to let her get some  
sleep.  
  
"I really should go, Phil," Martin said as he leaned close  
to Phil on the small sofa.  
  
Phil leaned closer too. "Yes, it is late," she agreed.  
  
"I've had a really great time - great food, nice music, enchanting  
company - what more could a guy want?"  
  
Phil had the grace to blush. "Thank you, Martin. I've had a great  
evening too."  
  
"Well, as much as I hate for it to end......" Martin hesitated  
for a long moment, then stood and helped Phil to her feet.  
  
Phil grinned. "C'mon, I'll walk you out."  
  
Slowly they made their way to the door, Phil hobbling more than she had  
earlier that night. She leaned her weight against the hallstand as Martin  
got into his overcoat. Smiling, he opened the door and turned to her.  
  
"Thank you, Phil. This evening really meant a lot to me."  
  
"Thank you, Martin." Phil smiled demurely through lowered lashes.  
It meant a lot to her as well.  
  
"I'll call you tomorrow - maybe we can see a movie?"  
  
"I'd like that."  
  
They smiled at each other again and Martin shifted his stance. "Goodnight,  
Phil," he said then leaned over to place a chaste kiss on her forehead.  
  
In a rush, the pain in her ankle suddenly forgotten, Phil raised up on  
her toes and gripped the lapels of Martin's coat. She pressed her lips  
against his in an aggressive kiss. When the shock wore off, Martin slid  
his arms around Phil's waist and returned the kiss.  
  
Eventually, Phil let go and looked up at Martin's surprised face. "Goodnight,  
Martin," she grinned, a mischievous light in her eyes.  
  
Martin smiled and shook his head, as if not quite believing what had  
just taken place, then opened the door and made his way into the hall.  
Phil watched as he walked to the elevator, smiling at him when he glanced  
at her a final time before stepping into the lift, only going inside  
when the doors finally closed behind him.  
  
Back in the living room she grinned at Chance, who had taken the warm  
space on the sofa left by Martin.  
  
"I kissed him," she giggled to the purring ball of fur, "I  
really kissed him."  
  
It was almost as if she was trying to make up for a time in her past  
when she had not responded so well to a kiss. It was strange that the  
incident she recalled had started with a kiss and ended with an injured  
hand. This time it had started with an injured ankle and ended in a  
kiss.  
  
  
  
Tired from his journey and from anxiety, Ben was ready to sleep. His  
mind was full of possibility and memories and it exhausted him. Yawning  
widely, he turned out the lights in the living room and made his way  
up the stairs, unable to stop from running his eyes over Cat's photos  
as he walked.  
  
He paused for a moment to take in memories he had not indulged in for  
a long time. Automatically his eyes went to one of the oldest pictures  
in the collection. It was a picture of Cat and him, taken nearly twenty  
years ago when their relationship was in its early stages. He couldn't  
recall who took it, but the photographer had captured something special  
� it was clear they were deeply in love. Frowning, he studied the  
image of his own, much younger features, as he had never done before.  
The smile he had worn nearly twenty years ago was one he had not seen  
on his face for a long, long time. Quickly he tore his eyes away, he  
didn't want to think of the last time he had smiled like that.  
  
Unable to fight it and unable to walk away, Ben found his attention wandering  
to another old photograph, seeking another smile, a crooked smile. Although  
her features were in shadow, Ben knew it was Phil's smile that looked  
out at him from the Rocky Mountain Rescue photo on Cat's wall. Suddenly  
angry with himself, he turned away abruptly and continued to the safety  
of the bedroom he knew so well. Phil McKenzie had no place in his life  
now - not when he was about to propose to Cat Madden.  
  
In the comfortable darkness of Cat's bedroom, Ben felt safe from the  
memories that haunted him. In here there were only memories of Cat to  
fill his mind. But thoughts of Phil were never far away and he needed  
to stop himself from thinking about her. Before his mind registered  
what he was doing, Ben found himself crossing the room and opening Cat's  
lingerie drawer.  
  
With a strange sense of urgency he scanned the contents, taking in the  
neat piles arranged in colour order. He smiled, this was the only part  
of Cat's life that was neat and orderly. Slowly he reached out and picked  
up the nearest garment; a dark green teddy that he had never seen Cat  
wear. Green was Cat's favourite colour - or was it Phil's? He couldn't  
remember. More urgent now, he raised the garment to his nose and inhaled,  
filling his mind with Cat's scent, pushing Phil further into the recesses  
of his past. Now he was safe.  
  
With the teddy returned to its place and the drawer once again closed,  
Ben shuffled across the floor to the bed, softly cursing as he tripped  
over a pile of books Cat left by the bed. He chuckled lightly, wondering  
why after all this time he still forgot how untidy Cat could be. By  
now he should know to turn the light on before stepping into Cat's room.  
He would tidy it up in the morning.  
  
  
  
Sunday morning dawned silently in Cat's cabin at the Edge of the Earth.  
She and Lloyd had talked late into the night - planning the future, sharing  
their pasts, telling their stories. There was no need to rush, though,  
they knew they had the rest of their lives.  
  
When it was time, Lloyd rode with Cat and Joseph to the airport, holding  
her hand all the way. Talking was too difficult in the chopper, so they  
made no attempt. They had little need for words anyway.  
  
Joseph hugged Cat and made her promise to come back soon, then drifted  
off muttering something about refuelling, all though both Cat and Lloyd  
knew it was unnecessary. When he was out of earshot, Lloyd turned to  
Cat and lifted his hand to cup her cheek. Cat rubbed her face against  
his palm, like the animal she was named for.  
  
"I'm falling in love with you, Cathy Madden, you know that don't  
you?" Lloyd said softly.  
  
Cat gave a fuzzy smile and nodded. "Me too," she whispered  
and shifted closer so that she could rest her head on Lloyd's chest.  
His arms moved up to hold her and they stood for a long time.  
  
Eventually Cat lifted her head and kissed Lloyd gently and sweetly.   
"I'll see you in two weeks."  
  
"Two weeks," Lloyd agreed and kissed her, longer this time.  
  
Smiling softly as she backed away, Cat shifted out of Lloyd's embrace  
and made her way towards the gate. Lloyd tucked his hands into his pockets  
and tilted his head, watching her all the time. She waved a final time  
and then disappeared towards the plane that would take her home.  
  
  
  
Ben's uncharacteristic fussing did not go unnoticed by Sheila and Bella.  
So far today he had arranged several vases of flowers, an indulgence  
as it was winter and they were all imported and hence expensive, he had  
prepared a small meal and he had cleaned parts of the house that probably  
hadn't been cleaned since last time he was here. Now he sat by the fire  
fidgeting, waiting for the time to come when he could drive to Moose  
Jaw and collect Cat.  
  
Was there anything he had forgotten? Should he have bought a ring?   
No, last time he proposed to Cat he had no ring and she was not the sort  
of person to expect one. More likely she would berate him for wasting  
money on something so frivolous. He had to admit, he agreed with her.  
Although, he had given a ring to a woman once before. Phil McKenzie.  
And it wasn't just any ring, it had been his mother's. To the best of  
his knowledge, Phil still had it.  
  
Why was he thinking it about Phil again? Why was she intruding into  
his thoughts now? He jumped to his feet and began to pace restlessly.  
Phil was the last person he should have on his mind when he was about  
to propose to Cat.  
  
Sheila and Bella eyed him from their perch by the fire. They had noticed  
his strange behaviour and wondered what was going on. Things were strange  
indeed and they longed for the return of their companion. Cat had been  
away far too long for their liking.  
  
  
  
Phil unpacked the dishwasher whilst she waited for her morning coffee  
to brew. She hummed softly to herself, thinking about the meal she had  
shared with Martin the night before. For the first time since Lindy  
died, it seemed there may be someone who could help her forget the past  
\- help her leave her memories behind and lead her to happiness once again.  
She had a lot to be happy for. She thanked God for sending Martin to  
her.  
  
Could she feel the same way for Martin as she had once felt for Ben?  
Of course she could. She had to. She had to prove to everyone that  
she was over him and moving on with her life. Yes, she would fall in  
love with Martin. Of that there could be no doubt.  
  
  
  
Silvia Vecchio sighed with contentment as Ray hauled the last of the  
family luggage into the house. "As much as I love my relatives,  
it's good to be home," she said shrugging out of her coat and heading  
to the kitchen.  
  
Ray left the rest of the family to take the luggage upstairs and joined  
his mother.  
  
"You look sick, Raymondo. Didn't you eat?" she asked as Ray  
reached for the coffeepot.  
  
"I'm fine, Ma. Things have been real busy at work, is all."  
  
Silvia Vecchio looked at him the way only a mother could, then abruptly  
changed subjects, as only a mother could. "So Cathy went home early?"  
she asked with a raised eyebrow - as only a mother could.  
  
Ray flushed under his mother's gaze. "Ah, yeah, she wanted to ......to  
go somewhere quiet for a rest." He busied himself with making the  
coffee, hoping that his mother didn't ask too many questions.  
  
"How did you two get along?"  
  
"Fine - just fine...." With the coffee finally on the stove,  
Ray turned around and found himself pinned to the spot by his mother's  
stare. "What?" he asked, momentarily panicking that maybe Francesca  
had said something to her.  
  
"She would make a good wife, Raymondo. I thought maybe....."  
  
Ray cut her off. "Ma, don't even think that. Benny's gone to Canada  
to propose to Cat..."  
  
Silvia raised another eyebrow at her son's use of Benton's endearment.  
"Benton is going to propose? But I thought he said there was nothing  
between them."  
  
Relieved to be out of the spotlight, Ray said, "Don't even ask,  
Ma. It's a long story. Let's just say that Fraser thinks some things  
are meant to be."  
  
Silvia frowned. She too thought some things were meant to be and she  
worried for her son. There was a time when she thought he had met the  
woman he was meant to be with and although she had never met her, Silvia  
knew this woman had made her son very happy. She didn't even really  
know what had happened to that relationship. All she knew was that her  
son had never been the same. She worried that if he didn't make a move  
soon he might never recover.  
  
Ray's eyes clouded over as his mother stared at him. He, too, knew that  
some things were meant to be. Like Casey. For a moment he let his longing  
for the fair haired woman overwhelm him, filling his heart with the love  
he denied himself, then just as abruptly he shut it off. When his eyes  
focussed again Ray saw his mother open her arms to him. Without a word  
he stepped into her embrace. There was nothing to be said. On the stove  
the coffee percolated.  
  
  
  
Cat collected her pack from the luggage carousel and slung it over her  
shoulders then made for the exit. As much as she had been reluctant  
to leave Lloyd, she was damn glad to be home. Her month long vacation  
had worn her out. All she wanted to do was go home and sort through  
all the things that had happened. She needed to think about Ben, about  
Phil, about Ray and Casey - but most of all she needed to think about  
her feelings for Lloyd. Then she'd decide what to do next.  
  
"Cat!" A familiar voice called to her.  
  
She turned in the direction of the voice, startled to see Ben rushing  
towards her. What was he doing in Canada?  
  
Ben! What the hell are you doing here?"  
  
"Hello, Cat," he said, stepping close to her, a bright smile  
on his face.  
  
"I only left you a week ago. Is something wrong?" She dropped  
her pack to the floor and gripped his arm, searching his eyes for something  
that would tell her what was wrong. The last time they had spoken she  
gave him Phil's address and told him to call her. Had something happened?  
  
Ben smiled nervously. "No. No, everything is fine."  
  
Cat stared for a moment � his eyes were bright and shiny. He looked  
happy. Maybe there was nothing wrong. Smiling, she reached out and  
hugged him. It was always good to have him home. "So how long  
you staying?"  
  
"Oh, just a few days," Ben smiled shyly, then reached down  
to collect Cat's pack. "I have your jeep outside. Let's go home."  
  
  
The drive to Cat's home in Riverhurst was full of laughter. They talked  
about Cat's time at Edge of the Earth. Ben was more relaxed than he  
had been in a long time and it warmed her heart.  
  
He noticed that Cat seemed different, too. He couldn't say exactly what  
it was, but he could see something had changed for her. Maybe she knew  
why he was here? Maybe she was ready for it. Maybe Cat Madden was ready  
to marry him.  
  
  
Later that evening, after Cat had greeted Sheila and Bella and re-acquainted  
herself with her home, the two old friends gathered in the kitchen to  
eat the small meal he had prepared. It seemed that each knew the other  
had something to say, but that was not surprising. The past month had  
been difficult for both of them in different ways and their friendship  
had been put to the test.  
  
Ben's eyes followed Cat, watching her carefully as she worked. Was it  
really only a week ago since they last saw each other? She seemed different  
somehow � quieter, softer maybe.  
  
"You didn't bring Dief?" Cat asked with her back to Ben.  
  
"No. I didn't want to subject him to Customs too many times."  
  
His voice had a strange edge to it. Cat turned to face him. Was there  
a strange look in his eye? She was just about to ask him a question  
when he flowed off the stool and crossed the floor in one graceful stride.  
  
Gripping Cat's hands in his, Ben squeezed his eyes shut. "Cat, will  
you marry me?"  
  
Cat suddenly felt sick. She had been so caught up in her own happiness  
that she hadn't seen the signs. This was why Ben had travelled all the  
way to Canada. This was the reason for the happy glow in his eyes.   
She had seen it in his eyes all those years ago and now she was going  
to hurt him all over again, just like she had done all those years ago.  
She squeezed her eyes shut.  
  
"Oh, Ben," she whispered.  
  
If Ben noticed her hesitation, it didn't stop him. "I know it's  
sudden but, well, it seems the obvious course of action....."  
  
It took a moment for reality to sink in. For Cat to accept that Ben  
was proposing to her and for Ben to notice that Cat was not reacting  
as he had hoped.  
  
"Cat?"  
  
Cat opened her eyes and stared at Ben's hands clutching hers. "Come  
sit down, Ben, I have something to tell you." Without another word  
she tugged him towards the living room.  
  
When he was settled on the sofa in front of the fire, Cat sat at his  
feet - still holding his hands - and told him how her life had changed  
since she left Chicago.  
  
By the time she had finished her story, both Cat and Ben had tears streaming  
down their faces.  
  
"I.....I ....don't understand......how......" Ben's voice trailed  
off. He pulled his hands away, jealousy and bitterness filling his heart  
and making his next response sound angry. "How did this happen  
in one week, Cat? How can you say you want to spend your life with this  
man after one week? I've known you for nearly twenty years. Twice I  
have asked you to marry me - twice." He leapt to his feet and  
paced over to the window, staring out into the snow.  
  
Cat's heart ached. It hurt her that her happiness made Ben so unhappy.  
She had hoped he would be happy for her. And where had this come from?  
After all this time, why was he was proposing again? Cat wondered if  
it was some perverted denial of the love she knew he felt for Phil McKenzie.  
She gazed at the broad back of her friend as he stared into the night;  
she could almost see his pain in the way he held his shoulders.  
  
"Ben, where did this come from? What made you think that I would  
marry you?" A lump formed in her throat as Ben didn't move. "Why  
now, Ben?"  
  
Just when Cat thought he would not answer, Ben spoke. "We're so.....close.  
We know each other so well.... it feels like we're attached somehow already...."  
he ground out in a low, harsh voice that betrayed his emotions.  
  
"Ah, Ben, you know we've talked about this before. Oh god."  
Cat's voice was a raw, ragged sound.  
  
Ben didn't speak. Didn't move. After a long time she crossed the floor  
and stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his large frame from behind.  
With her lips close to Ben's ear she whispered, "Do you remember  
that song we used to listen to? Tir Na Nog?" Ben's nod was barely  
perceptible.  
  
In a voice deep with emotion, Cat began to sing. "I said with my  
eyes that I recognised your chin. It was my long lost friend to help  
me from another lifetime. We took each others hands and cried like a  
river when we said hello."  
  
Ben's body lifted in a sigh. He remembered the song well. Van Morrison  
songs always made him sad. Cat was fond of his music.  
  
Cat hugged Ben more tightly, pressing a tender kiss on his temple. She  
took a breath and began to sing again. "You came into my life and  
you filled me, oh so joyous. By the clear, cool crystal streams where  
the roads were quiet and still and we walked all the way to Tir Na Nog."  
She felt the faltered breathing that always accompanied emotion, but  
she continued to sing, for herself as well as Ben as tears welled in  
her eyes. "How can we not be attached, after all we're only human.  
The only way then is to never come back. Except I wouldn't want that  
would you? If we weren't together again in Tir Na Nog." Cat felt  
Ben's hot tears drip onto her hands and rocked him gently, still singing,  
"We've been together before in a different incarnation and we loved  
each other then as well. And we sat down in quiet contemplation. Many  
many many times you kissed mine eyes in Tir Na Nog."  
  
They stood for a long time, the evening rising up and swallowing them  
in its darkness. Finally Cat slipped around and forced herself into  
Ben's arms, resting her head on his chest. She could hear his faltered  
breathing, but still he did not speak.  
  
"God knows I love you, Ben, but this is the way it's meant to be.  
I told you that I'm not your soulmate. We both know who that is."  
She waited for a reaction from him, but none came.  
  
"I think I need to sleep now," Ben finally whispered, his voice  
sounding huge in the darkness.  
  
He slipped away, leaving Cat standing in the living room. She knew there  
was no point following him, or trying to talk to him. That time would  
come when he was ready. She heard him upstairs as he collected his  
pack from her room and took it to the guestroom, shutting the door firmly  
behind him. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered that he  
had rarely used that room since last time he proposed to her - the last  
time she turned him down.  
  
  
The guest room door was still firmly closed when Cat left for work the  
next morning. She toyed with the idea of going in, but thought better  
of it. She would come home at lunchtime and talk to him then. With  
a heavy heart, Cat left the house and headed towards Moose Jaw.  
  
  
Cat was distracted all morning. Not a good thing for a first day back  
at work. Her month long vacation was supposed to have left her rested  
and calm, not restless and distracted. It was with a mixture of relief  
and dread that she left the depot and drove home at lunchtime.  
  
She could hear the music as soon as she got out of the car. She smiled.  
Ben had dragged out an old Van Morrison album, the one containing Tir  
Na Nog. When she came through the front door, Ben stood by the large  
window bathed in the midday sun, staring out at the snow-covered mountains.  
He obviously didn't hear her over the music. She frowned. Ben wasn't  
normally one to do something like that. She watched from the entranceway,  
feeling a stab in her heart at the pain he felt. As one track ended  
and segued into the next, Ben began to sing.  
  
"Thanks for the information. Never give a sucker an even break.  
When he's breaking through to a new level of consciousness there always  
seems to be more obstacles in the way. Thanks for the information.   
I know it's only a combat zone. Thanks for the memory. I'll just have  
to carry on on my own."  
  
Cat's heart was breaking. She never meant to hurt Ben. Hell, she hadn't  
done anything. This had all come out of the blue. He was hurting himself.  
But what could she do? She stepped into the living room as Van Morrison's  
voice welled up into the chorus.  
  
"Ben...." she said to his back, knowing that he had heard her  
come into the room.  
  
He waited a long time before turning around. As the next verse of the  
song started, he stood looking at her, letting the lyrics wash over them  
both.  
  
"Thanks for the information. What you gain on the hobbyhorse you  
lose on the swing. I like mine over easy and you can have yours sunny  
side up. I don't wanna quibble over insignificant details and I've  
tried every trick in the book. Thanks for the information. I know I  
should look before I leap."  
  
"Oh, Ben...." Cat sighed. When had he become so maudlin?  
  
"I....I managed to change my flight. I'm leaving tonight."  
Ben's voice was strained with barely contained emotion. "Can you  
drive me to Moose Jaw?"  
  
"Yes. Yes of course." Cat stepped toward him and he tucked  
his hands in his pockets defensively. "What time?"  
  
"My flight leaves at 7 o'clock."  
  
Cat ran a hand through her hair, she had taken to leaving it loose since  
she met Lloyd. "I....I'll come home early to pick you up."  
A sharp nod was Ben's only response. She stepped towards him again.  
"Are you OK?" He nodded sharply again and turned his back  
to her. "We have to talk about this......."  
  
"Not yet," he said firmly, clearly letting Cat know that it  
was pointless to press him.  
  
Feeling worse than before, Cat slipped out of the house and went back  
to work.  
  
  
As promised, she arrived home in plenty of time to take Ben to the airport.  
When she walked through the front door, his pack was ready in the hall  
and Ben was on the sofa, Sheila and Bella firmly in place on his lap.  
He smiled at her as she came into the room.  
  
"Hello, Cat."  
  
"Hi, Ben. How are you?" she asked tentatively, startled by  
his change in mood.  
  
"I'm OK." He got up, shifting the cats onto the sofa. "I'm  
ready to go, if that's OK with you."  
  
"Sure, sure. We'll be a little early."  
  
Ben gave her a weak smile and Cat had the feeling he was putting on too  
brave a face.  
  
  
The drive to the airport was limited to small talk. Ben was far more  
chatty than usual and Cat felt he was using small talk to keep her at  
bay. It wasn't until after he was checked in that she got the opportunity  
to speak as she really wanted to.  
  
Pulling Ben into a corner of the coffee shop, she put a hand on his cheek  
and held his face towards her. It was the first time he had looked her  
in the eye since she told him about Lloyd.  
  
"Ben, listen to me. We have to talk about this. I can see this  
is eating you up and I can't let it happen."  
  
"I asked you to marry me, Cat, and you tell me you are in love with  
someone else. What do you expect? But it's OK," he gave a bitter  
laugh. "It's not as if I don't have any practice at this."  
  
"I'm so sorry, Ben, I really am. I wish this didn't hurt you."  
  
He gave her a dazzling smile. "It's fine, Cat, it really is."  
He reached across and squeezed her hand warmly. "I'm happy for  
you, I really am." Cat felt that he was trying as much to convince  
himself as he was her.  
  
She smiled sadly. "Thank you. It means a lot." Cat was at  
a loss as to what to say next and it scared her to realise she had never  
been so uncomfortable in Ben's company before. "You know, I felt  
like I was on the edge of something new when I went to Edge of the Earth  
and things happened in a way I could never imagine."  
  
Ben stared at his hands. He knew what was coming next and it didn't  
surprise him.  
  
"You know, Ben, you could have this too. All you have to do is  
call her." Cat knew she didn't have to say her name, Ben knew she  
was talking about Phil. "You're on the edge of something wonderful,  
too, and all you have to do is make the move. It's up to you."  
  
Ben opened his mouth to speak, just as the loudspeakers announced the  
boarding for his flight. "That's me," he smiled, too broadly  
to be convincing.  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Cat was in her car wondering what had happened.  
Ben had hugged her at the departure gate and they had said all the things  
they normally said to each other, but something wasn't right. He smiled  
too much and his mood swing from the day before was too great. She was  
worried. Suddenly filled with urgency, Cat started her jeep and headed  
towards Riverhurst. She needed to speak to Ray.  
  
  
  
"Vecchio," he snarled into the phone.  
  
"Madden," Cat snarled back, a mischievous grin threatening  
to make her giggle. She could almost see Ray's shoulders drop and his  
face relax into a smile.  
  
"Cat," he said in a warm, rich voice that he rarely used outside  
the bedroom.  
  
"That's more like the Ray Vecchio I know," Cat said in a similar  
tone.  
  
Ray laughed a deep, throaty laugh. "It's good to hear your voice.  
Is everything OK?"  
  
"Well, no, Ray." She hesitated, unsure how to phrase her question.  
"You knew why Ben was coming, didn't you?"  
  
On the other end of the phone Ray let out a long breath. "Yeah,  
I knew," he said eventually. "You turned him down?"  
  
"Yeah, but there's more......" Cat's voice trailed off.  
  
"What happened?" Ray asked, suddenly panicked, his worst fears  
coming to mind.  
  
Cat wandered over to the window and leaned against the cool glass. She  
took a deep breath and told Ray about her trip to Edge of the Earth and  
everything that had happened since.  
  
"Wow," was all Ray could think to say. "I'm really happy  
for you, Cat," he said and Cat knew he meant it. "But if this  
guy doesn't treat you right, I'll be after him."  
  
Cat smiled sadly. "Thanks, Ray, it really means a lot. I just wish  
I had been able to find a better way to tell Ben."  
  
"It's not your fault."  
  
"I know, but I just feel so bad."  
  
"Tell me, Cat, if you hadn't met this Hope guy, would you marry  
Benny?"  
  
Cat was startled. It was the one thing she had not thought about. Frowning,  
she said, "I don't know, Ray. I really don't know."  
  
"I think that says it all. If you knew, you would know, if you  
know what I mean?" Ray laughed weakly.  
  
"I understand what you're saying, Ray."  
  
"So what happened?"  
  
"I just put Ben on a plane."  
  
"Jesus Christ," Ray yelled into the phone. "That means  
he'll be here soon. I'll go pick him up. Is he OK?"  
  
"I don't know, Ray. I'm really worried about him." A sob rose  
in Cat's throat and her voice choked. "Just make sure nothing happens  
to him...."  
  
"I'm leaving right now, Cat," Ray soothed. "I'll make  
sure he's OK. Now what flight is he on?"  
  
Cat gave Ray the details and after repeated instructions and reassurances,  
she hung up and Ray left for the airport.  
  
  
In Chicago, Phil sat holding hands with Martin Stevenson. They were  
having a quick meal in the diner across from the hospital because Martin  
was due at work in half an hour and they did not want to miss any time  
together. They had spent a lot of time together in the past three days  
and both of them were conscious of the speed with which their relationship  
was moving. Martin felt as though he was on the edge of a new beginning  
in his life and he was happier than he could remember being. Phil was  
happy too, although she could remember a time when she was happier, even  
though she would have denied it, if asked. The hubbub in the diner made  
conversation difficult, but they didn't really need to talk.  
  
Unbidden, the words to the Colin James song Phil had been playing for  
days popped into her head. 'Standing on the edge of love and I'm just  
about to slip and fall.' She sneaked a glance at Martin as he chewed  
a mouthful of burger. She liked his face. His brown eyes were warm  
and full of laughter. It didn't hurt that he was very handsome, too.  
Was she standing on the edge of love?  
  
Martin looked across at Phil and smiled, squeezing her hand gently.   
"You look lovely, Phil."  
  
Phil blushed and looked at her plate. Was she about to slip and fall?  
When Martin leaned over and kissed her forehead she told herself yes.  
  
  
Ben refused the airline dinner, his face stoic, all traces of the smile  
he gave Cat long gone. He had held it together well, but then he had  
years of practice at hiding his feelings from the world. So it was easy  
to plaster the smile on his face and wish Cat and her new lover all the  
happiness in the world while he was dying inside. For a brief moment  
he thought he would have some reprieve from the pain that had dogged  
him for so long now, but once again he found himself facing the prospect  
of years of loneliness.  
  
Cat had asked him what made him think she would marry him and, truth  
told, he had no answer. It had seemed like a good idea when he thought  
it through so carefully and rationally in his silent apartment. But  
he had been wrong, as he had been about love so many times before. Cat  
had told him he could have love if he wanted it, but she was wrong.   
Ben knew that his opportunity for love was long gone. It disappeared  
the day he met Victoria Metcalfe.  
  
He snorted and looked out the window. Even thinking her name made him  
angry. Angry with himself for falling victim to her charms and angrier  
with the woman herself for taking advantage of him. Silently he cursed,  
then pushed her from his mind. No more would he waste time thinking  
about her, she had done enough damage already.  
  
His mind instantly went to Phil McKenzie, as it always did when he thought  
of Victoria. Forever they would be linked in his mind by that one fateful  
day on the mountainside. But there was no point torturing himself with  
memories of a love he killed twelve years ago. He shifted in his seat  
and looked around the plane, eager to find a distraction.  
  
It was easier to focus on the pain of Cat's rejection. That pain wasn't  
nearly so bad. If he looked, really looked into his heart he could admit  
that a part of him was relieved that his friend had refused him. Cat  
was right, their love for each other was not the love that marriages  
are made of. He knew, because he had experienced true love. But that  
is something he would never tell anyone.  
  
  
  
Ray scanned the faces of the crowd that disembarked from the Canada Air  
flight and was startled when he saw his friend. Fraser was hurting,  
he could see the hurt in the way he carried himself as he walked. When  
Ray called out to him, Ben straightened visibly and replaced the hangdog  
look on his face with a brilliant smile.  
  
"Hello Ray," he said, too cheerfully for Ray's liking.  
  
"Cat called me," Ray said by way of explanation.  
  
Ben looked at his feet and murmured, " I should have known she would."  
  
"Ah, Benny......." Ray said, stepping forward to enclose his  
friend in a hug.  
  
For a moment the big Canadian resisted, maintaining his stoic facade,  
then finally let go. Ray felt the large frame soften into his embrace  
and then a sob rise from the depths of Ben's chest. The strength of  
his friend's emotion shocked him and Ray choked back his own sob, realising  
that they now shared the experience of heartbreak and lost love.  
  
Standing there, in the middle of a crowded airport, with dozens of passengers  
milling around them, knocking into them in their haste to get to their  
loved ones, Ray felt his friend's pain and knew it equalled his own.  
Unable to hold back his emotions Ray, too, let go stopping only for a  
moment to ponder how he could stop them both from going over the edge.  
  
All comments welcome at  
  
 ****Nothing Lasts Forever (Book 2 of the Ben and Phil Saga)  
  
1.Nothing Lasts Forever  
2.Of Second Chances by Carol Trendall  
3.Winter in America is Cold by Carol Trendall  
4.Lavender Memories  
5.Distractions by Carol Trendall  
6.No Aphrodisiac by Carol Trendall  
7.Life's Insanity by Carol Trendall  
8.Standing on the Edge by Carol Trendall  
9.Of Past Regret and Future Fear by Carol Trendall  
10.A Summoning of Things Past  
11.Three Parts Dead  
12.A Job Well Done  
13.Touchstones of Character  
14.But For the Night  
15.Tangled Webs  
16.Suspicions  
17.Chasms of the Mind (with Carol Trendall)  
18.Outskirts by Carol Trendall  
  
  



End file.
